The Ghost of You
by nvrpromise
Summary: AU set six years after Izzie finished her residency. Author's Note: From Chapter 3 on midfieldattack helped me write the story either taking on chapters himself or cowriting with me. I dedicate this fic to him.
1. The End Has Only Begun

It had been thirteen years since she had first walked through the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital and six since she had walked out. Yet as her dark amber gaze locked on the photograph on the cover of Newsweek she couldn't help but be taken back. Her fingers reached out to trace the curve of his chin as she let her head fall back against the firm cushion of her black executive chair. They hadn't exactly parted on the best terms.

"_Izzie!" he called as he chased after her in the rain. "Iz wait up!" As his footsteps neared, she paused and turned to face him. "What do you want Alex? We've said everything that needed to be said." Pain was etched across her soft features as her golden hair turned dark from the falling droplets of water. "Come on Izzie don't do this. Please." She threw up her hands as she angrily shook her head. "No Alex this is exactly how this is going to end. Goodbye." She turned and left him that night, standing in the middle of the parking lot as the heavens opened up and unleashed their fury on the earth._

"Doctor Stevens your one-thirty is running late. They'll be here in twenty minutes." The voice of her assistant pulled her from her thoughts and she ran her hand down her face as a soft chuckle slipped past her lips. "Just let me know when they get here," she answered as she reached over and pressed the intercom button. As her gaze drifted back to the magazine that now rested on her desk, she was silently grateful for the extra time. She hadn't expected to be confronted with emotions she had long buried, and she needed a few moments to compose herself.

"Doctor Stevens, Doctor O'Malley on line one." A bright smile warmed her previously sullen features as she reached for the receiver. "Hey George, what's up?" she asked as she reclined in her chair and crossed her slender legs.

"Oh you know, just calling to say hi and see what you were up to and maybe see if you've read anything interesting lately…"

She smirked as she swiveled in her chair to look out the large picture window. "Yes I've seen the latest issue of Newsweek George."

"How did you know I was calling about that? I could have been calling about something—"

"Seriously? How long have we known each other?"

"Yeah okay. So do you want to talk about it or anything because I can come over and we could talk. You know, if you wanted."

"I'm totally fine George, I swear." She let out a silent sigh as she watched the rain stream down the glass.

"Are you sure? I mean it says that he's—"

"George I'm fine and I really need to get back to work. I'll see you Friday night for dinner okay?"

"Yeah sure, I'll see you then."

She hung up the phone and reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Okay so maybe she had lied when she said that she was totally fine, but she was a little fine, and that had to count for something right? Yeah, right. She had lost track of how many times she had tried to convince herself that everything was okay and that she had gotten exactly what she had always wanted, and up until that magazine landed on her desk she had stopped with the 'what ifs.'

A loud knock on her door pulled her out of her reverie and she quickly moved to smooth out the pristine while lab coat that graced her shoulders. "Come in," she called as she pulled open a drawer and dropped the periodical inside. "Now what is it that I can do for you today Mrs. –"

She felt like a ton of bricks had been placed on her chest as her lungs struggled to replace the air that had been knocked out of her. Any other words caught in her throat as her mouth fell slightly ajar and for a few tediously long seconds all she could do was stare.

"I'm sorry to barge in here like this, but I had to see you."

It had been six years, three months and fourteen days since she had left him standing there that night and suddenly she could no longer remember why.


	2. Haunted

"_I'm sorry to barge in here like this, but I had to see you."_

Her eyes went wide as the words fell from his lips and she could have sworn she felt her heart stop beating. A million questions raced through her mind as her eye lashes raised and fell because all she could do at that moment was stare at him. Silently she scolded her tongue for failing her and she tried to swallow in a futile attempt to clear her throat. He smirked at her loss for words and stepped further inside of her office without waiting for the invitation.

"Doctor Karev, what brings you to my part of the woods?" Her voice faltered as the question was asked, and she hoped that her best game face wouldn't fail her. She found it amazing how she could look a woman straight in the eye as she shattered her entire universe but as soon as this blast from the past breezed through her door her strong demeanor vanished.

"Come on Iz, you can drop the formalities. I'm not here on business." The beat in her chest thundered against her rib cage as she stiffened her spine to sit a little straighter. "All right Alex," she said with an emphasis on his name. "Why are you here?"

His cocky grin wavered as he closed the distance between them, but he too was a master of hiding his emotions and so it was replaced almost as quickly as it had cracked. "May I?" he asked as he motioned to the chair in front of her desk and then sat before she had a chance to even flinch. He always was an egotistical bastard.

"I think you know why I'm here," he said as he leaned back and propped a foot up on his knee. "I have no—"

"Yeah you do," he interrupted as his gaze went dark. "Don't play stupid with me, you know exactly why I'm here." His expression was serious with a hint of smugness as he draped an arm over the back of the chair casually.

"Look, I don't know why you told the reporter what you did but—"

"Ha! I told you that you knew why I was here," he exclaimed as he smirked at her.

"How old are we really?" she asked with an exasperated sigh and a roll of her eyes. It had been six long years and he still hadn't changed one bit. Well, she couldn't say that she was surprised. However she did hate it that he could appear so calm and collected while a war raged on within her body.

"Look Izzie," he said as he slouched forward a bit. "What you pulled back then was complete and utter shit and I have spent the past six years trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong and I'm fucking tired of it." He pushed himself out of the chair and folded his arms across his chest as he stared down at her. "And don't tell me it was because you didn't love me anymore because I didn't believe it then and I sure as hell won't believe it now."

"_Marry me." It wasn't so much as a question as it was a request, one that the look in his eye told her he wasn't going to let her get away from. A gleam of tears coated her eyes as she stared down at the little black box he held in his hand. "I can't." She watched as his heart shattered behind his rich brown eyes and it took every ounce of strength in her body not to break down and beg him to forget what she had just said. _

"_You're joking right?" he asked dumbstruck. "You're just trying to get a rise outta me or something right?" She pressed her lips together and shook her head no. "Then tell me why Izzie, you owe me that much." She folded her arms across her chest as a means of protection as she took a slow breath. "I don't love you like that anymore."_

"Doctor Stevens your appointment is here." She breathed a silent sigh of relief as her assistant's voice cut through the tension. Her eyes flickered over to him and she gave him a sympathetic smile that really wasn't sincere.

"This isn't over," he said with an unnatural bitterness playing behind his voice. "Here's the number of the hotel I'm staying at," he continued as he tossed a scrap of paper onto her desk. "And I meant every word I said in that article."

He turned before she could respond and soon her consult was replacing him in front of her desk. "Doctor Stevens you look like you've seen a ghost, and you're white as a sheet," the older woman commented as she settled down into the chair. "Do you want to reschedule?" "No I'm fine Mrs. Evans, now let's talk about your options."

_When asked if there was a special someone in his life, Karev flashed his playboy smile and said "Yeah, and I'm looking to return a ring."_


	3. Castle Down

Alex left the office the same way he came in; a sly grin to whom he presumed to be Izzie's receptionist or maybe her assistant, adding a wink for good measure. The woman simply smiled back, a faint blush tinting her cheeks. He was the picture of self-confidence bordering on cocky arrogance and he knew it - he always had been but with his recent success it was in everyone's gaze when they looked at him. Now was no different, even though on the inside his mind and his heart were battling for the upper hand.

Finally out of the building he took a deep breath and scanned the unfamiliar setting before him. _What are you trying to prove, Karev?_ His conscience was still as active as it always was, constantly berating him for his mistakes. And wasn't today a mistake? He had come to return a ring and instead he had ripped the sutures brutally from the wound that still hadn't healed properly. Seeing Izzie after so long had made his heart drop in his chest, and for a brief moment when he had first entered her office, he thought he saw what he used to in her beautiful brown eyes. Through her surprise and her shock he thought he saw something… something longing, something needing… something that equated to the two of them together and the way it used to be.

Of course he had to have been hallucinating. After all, it had been six years - the woman obviously had moved on with her life just as much as he had. Shaking his head to rid himself of painful memories, he crossed the street and began wandering. The clouds had parted and sun streamed through and bathed the streets with a soft glow. Alex didn't have a particular destination; it was too early in the day to go to the hotel and await Izzie's phone call. So when he happened upon a beautiful, quaint little park complete with a playground and children scrambling around, he thought it would do him good to relax for a few minutes.

A bench beneath some trees provided the perfect vantage point to watch the kids on the playground. There was something about their innocence that Alex wished he could capture - his childhood had been nothing like the happy, sunshine filled, popsicle stained existence of these children. With a small smile on his face he lost himself inside his thoughts and was surprised when a small voice brought him back down to reality.

"Hiya mister! Why are you all alone?" A small blonde boy was smiling up at him, his brown eyes wide and happy. He couldn't have been more than five or six by the size of him. A few yards behind, a woman was striding toward them, apparently the boy's mother or babysitter. Alex looked down to view the child more closely, about to respond with something about being too big for the monkey bars, but the little boy's eyes threw him off. They were like mirror images of his own, and for a fleeting but profound moment it felt as if he was looking into himself. _What if…? _But no, here was the little boy's mother pulling him away, casting Alex an exasperated smile before gently scolding the child for wandering too far.

Soon the little boy was laughing and playing again, and Alex had drifted into a new wave of thoughts. He had always wanted to have children of his own, partly to prove to himself that he could be a better father and a better man than his own father was. With a bitter smile he remembered that his plans had been shattered by a few sentences uttered by the woman he had loved completely.

_"I don't love you like that anymore." He had begged her to stay. Not to turn on him, not to leave him in that parking lot. But after she had said goodbye he had stood for what seemed like hours, the small black box which contained his shattered heart clenched in his hand. The rain continued to drench him and the chill had settled in his bones, yet all he could do was stare at where her retreating figure had once been. It was over. Really over this time. Somehow he made it to his car, quietly slipping the box into the pocket of his jacket. If it hadn't been for the almost painful throbbing of his heart he would have thought himself dead._

Alex could almost feel that very same rain on his skin even now, and again he struggled to pull himself out of those thoughts. It wasn't worth it. He would return the ring, finally have his closure, finally have his peace and would return to his practice and meaningless relationships and lonely existence. So what? He had gotten what he'd wanted in the first place. What more could he ask for?

"MOMMMMYY!" A loud squeal of delight caused Alex to look up, his eyes looking for the cause of such glee. It was the little blonde boy, running full tilt towards what appeared to be a pretty blonde woman from what he could see. Soon the child was in her arms and she was swinging him around, laughing along with him. It was the laugh that he recognized first - he could never forget the sound of her laugh… And when she turned towards where he was sitting and he had a better view of her face, his heart stopped.


	4. Second Hand Faith

After Alex had left, she couldn't really recall what had happened during her consultation with Mrs. Evans. She felt like she had been in a movie, one where the main character just kind of sat there as the world continued to move on around them. She felt numb, distant and above all things, horrible for not being able to give her patient the attention she deserved.

Izzie sat alone in her office for several long minutes before she finally pushed herself to her feet and pulled the pristine white lab coat from her shoulders. He had no right to barge back into her life like he had because she wasn't ready to answer all of the questions she had so meticulously pushed into the far recesses of her mind. Even if her heart hadn't fully backed her, she had meant everything that she had said on that day so many years ago.

_The bone-chilling wind whipped through her hair as she turned and walked away. He had begged her to stay and that fact alone assured her that she had made the right decision. They each had their own life to live, their own goals to accomplish before they could ever consider losing themselves for another person. He was destined to be a great plastic surgeon and there was no way in hell she was going to stand in his way. So against the protest of her heart which threatened to no longer beat, she had walked away._

A heavy sigh parted pale pink lips as she reached up to run a hand down the length of her neck. She didn't have the time or the energy to deal with any of these resurrected feelings, not when she had places to be and appointments to keep. So after putting on her bravest of smiles she grabbed her purse and headed out of her office. "Leaving for the day Doctor Stevens?" Izzie laughed as she grinned down at her receptionist. "Yeah I've got hot date with a gorgeous blonde guy."

She was definitely grateful when she stepped outside and saw that the weather had decided to clear up and that fact alone was able to bring a genuine smile back to her lips. While she did love the rain, it would have been a slight hindrance and would have caused her to change her plans while potentially causing her to break a promise.

With her purse slipped over her shoulder, she crossed the street and walked the short distance to where she knew the love of her life would be waiting. "MOMMMMYY!" Her smile reached her eyes and her laughed filled the air as she bent over and held her arms out to catch the small boy who was leaping into her arms. "Hey you," she grinned into his hair as she spun him around. "Oh I've missed you today!"

Her son beamed up at her as she carefully set him back onto the ground and kneeled in front of him. "Mommy today Miss Parker let me color and I made a dinosaur! RAWR!" She laughed as she feigned being frightened and then turned to look at the babysitter who had made her way over. "How was he today?" she asked she gave her son an Eskimo kiss. "He was a bit of a terror, but charming as usual," the woman replied. "Yeah, that's my little guy."

She smiled to herself as she stared at her son with a mixture of wonderment and awe. She had never thought she could have loved a single person as much as she did that little boy. He was her everything. It was funny how when she found out that she was pregnant that there wasn't a doubt in her mind that she was going to keep it. At that point in her life she was far more mature than the sixteen-year-old girl in the trailer park who had given up her daughter to survive and yet somehow she knew that she would be able to take care of the life that was growing inside of her. A life that had been created out of love rather than lust.

"So who wants to go get some ice cream?" she asked with a bright smile as she pulled herself away from her thoughts. "Ooo MEEEE!" he squealed as he jumped up and down in excitement. "Okay let's go then." She pushed herself to her feet and waited for him to reach out for her. When he did, her heart threatened to burst as he slipped his small hand in hers.

"Mommy can I get chocolate ice cream with the rainbow sprinkles and…" Another laugh filled the air and was blown back to where Alex stood watching under the shade of the trees. "Of course you can. Now let's go before it starts to rain again."

The clouds rolled in as the trio disappeared off into the distance and for the second time in his life, the heavens opened up and unleashed their fury as he watched her walk away.


	5. A Broken Hallelujah

For the second time in his life he found himself unable to move as the clouds liberated their millions of raindrops upon him. He had gone unnoticed, much to his relief, and even when the trio was happily departed he still could not will his limbs to move. Finally he was able to surface from the shock and confusion enough to hurriedly stalk off to find his car. Once inside, he sat for a moment and rubbed his forehead. _You need to calm down. This is nothing. This is absolutely nothing to you._

Without applying much thought to what he was doing he managed to drive himself back to the luxurious hotel room that he'd rented, a wave of relief washing over him once he was inside the large and overly decorated suite. It was time for a hot shower and a change of clothes and afterwards he had some business to take care of. After pouring himself a small glass of bourbon on the rocks, he sat at the head of a large oak dining table and flipped open his cell phone. New messages. He could never really get away.

After the phone calls were taken care of he sat and finished swallowing the drink, feeling lonely in the expanse of the suite. If Izzie called – no, _when_ Izzie called, what would the night bring? Would she want to end it as soon as possible? Would he? Would there be anything positive… a spark, some laughter over good times; or would it end the same way it had before?

--

Hours later, Alex was reading some medical journals he had meant to read awhile ago but had never found the time for. It was dry reading, and he couldn't help but feel above some of the articles. Purposely he skipped over the one written by Meredith Grey, knowing that it would force him into thinking about old times. What had happened to all of them? Yang, O'Malley, Grey… he realized he had never kept in touch with the people he had spent such a big part of his life with. People he had come to consider his friends. Did he even have friends? That question couldn't be answered honestly.

The soft ring of the phone cut into his thoughts, and he rose to answer it. "Doctor Karev." His voice was gruff and uninviting. Typical greeting for Alex.

"Alex, it's me." He felt a pang in his chest. Ignored it. She sounded unsure of herself.

"I knew you would call." Did he mean to sound so smug?

A pause. She must have been collecting herself. Always the more mature one out of the two. "What do you want from me, Alex? I can't have you coming to my office anymore like you did today. We're both doctors. You know that."

He laughed, albeit cynically. "Calm down, Iz. I don't plan on doing that again. Why don't we have dinner tonight? As old friends." No mention of talking about old times, because that would hint at caring… and did he care? No. Or at least he told himself that. Not anymore.

"If I go, will that be it? You won't barge into my office a few years down the road?"

The pang turned into a sharp pain, like a knife twisting into his heart. "If you go to dinner with me tonight you'll never have to see my face again. Don't worry, Izzie. I don't have a reason to lie to you." He kept his tone light and smooth, no hint at the bitterness he felt.

After giving her the address of the ritzy restaurant Alex had been advised to go to, he changed into more business casual clothes. Before leaving, he checked himself in the mirror. He looked good, but that wasn't the reason he stopped to look – he wanted to make sure that he had his best poker face to mask his emotions. 

--

Standing at the podium, Alex checked in with the maitre d', with whom he was exchanging pleasantries. "Has the lady arrived yet, Doctor?" The man asked him with a polite smile. Alex turned to look past the people standing in line and saw Izzie entering. She hadn't caught his eye yet, which gave him the perfect opportunity to admit to himself that she looked absolutely stunning. "Yes, she has," Alex cleared his throat and turned away, allowing himself to be led to the table.

Soon afterwards Izzie was seated across from him, and he set down the menu he'd been perusing. "Glad to see you decided to come." He flashed a smirk at her, and before she could say anything he was calling the waiter over so that he could order some wine. There was no way he could make it through the dinner without something to soften the edges and wine was the only classy way to accomplish that.

"So what did you bring me here for, Alex? You're right. I read your article. Is that what this is about?"

It wasn't time for that yet, and Alex brushed it away with a casual wave of his hand. "Oh, that," He said and shrugged, another smirk on his face. "Why don't we eat first? I heard this is a good place." He wasn't hungry at all. In fact he had no appetite. So instead of looking at Izzie, who was trying to figure him out, he flipped open the menu and chose the most expensive item on the list.

Their orders had been taken and now an awkward silence was threatening to overtake them. Alex leaned back casually in his chair, a glass of wine in hand, and every so often taking a long and lazy swallow. "You have a real cute kid, Iz." To her, the comment would seem to come out of left field but to him this was planned all along. Confusion settled across her delicate features for a moment before disappearing.

"How do you know…?"

"I saw you on the playground. How old is he?"

"So what are you stalking me now?" Of course she didn't answer his question.

Alex grinned, and then laughed with amusement. "Why would I waste my time doing that?" He realized it was a cruel thing to say, given the circumstances. But he was in a cruel mood, and he didn't care if the words stung. "Did you get back together with your hockey boy? I don't see a ring on your finger."

The ring. It was in his pocket, still in the box it had come in. Not once since that day had he ever opened it to look at it again. It had served as a constant reminder that no matter how hard he had tried to change himself, no matter how much he opened himself to a person – it was all a waste of time. Sure, some days he didn't see it that way… but today he saw it as such. His lungs were threatening to collapse inside his chest, but he forced an obnoxious smile to his face.

_He didn't cry. That was what amazed him. He was too hurt to cry, and when he let himself into his apartment he didn't know what the next step would be. With a slightly trembling hand he set the small black box on his counter and let himself into his bedroom. It was in that moment that he had promised himself never to let his guard down like that again, never to expose his weaknesses to anyone. Tomorrow he would be gone the first chance he could get. Unless… No, that was wishful thinking. Alex looked at the clock on the nightstand, beside it a picture of himself and Izzie wrapped up in each other. Reaching out, he gently set it down so that he could no longer see it, and turned on his side to go to sleep. It wasn't the first time he'd been left alone…_


	6. Breathe Me

She had felt like her entire body was on pins and needles from the second she had walked through the restaurant door. She couldn't explain why she felt so nervous, anxious even. What she did know however, was that if she wanted to be able to get on with her life then she needed to meet with him and give him his closure on his terms. It was only fair after what she had done to him, wasn't it? Yet still she couldn't ignore the knot inside of her gut that was causing her to question everything she had forced herself to believe in.

For the first part of their encounter all she had to worry about were the awkward periods of silence and having to convince herself that the flutter in her chest wasn't because he was sitting a few feet away. Those two things alone she could deal with, and she had been for the most part. Her cool façade remained firm as he played his game and she was even able to ignore the feeling of nausea that began to swim in her stomach. Okay so maybe her nerves were hanging by a thread, but she could deal with that to. And then he blindsided her.

She forced her hand not to shake as she reached for her glass of wine and pulled it to her lips. _God he had seen her son. Correction: their son._ She pressed her lips together after she had swallowed and placed the glass back onto the table. "No," she said calmly as she shifted her dark gaze back up to meet him. "Hank and I never got back together."

Izzie took a deep breath as she settled back against her chair, struggling as she gathered her wits. If he wanted to play then dammit she would play. "What about you? I don't see a ring on your finger. How's the love life?"

Typical Izzie. She was avoiding the question that mattered; withholding the answer that he was truly concerned with. His eyes bore into hers in an almost disgusted glare before he plastered a smile on his face. "My love life is never dull. It may leave much to be satisfied but I prefer to keep myself unattached. I'm sure you understand." His mouth went dry and he took a long swallow from his glass of wine, the liquid tasting sickly sweet all of a sudden.

"Whoever the father is, I'm sure he's real proud. Kid's precocious, sure he'll be real bright. With his genetics, how could he not be?" He fought to control his tone of voice, not wanting to sound as bitter as he felt. The words were acrid on his tongue and he felt physically ill after he had spit them out. Alex had to look away to hide his expression, flagging the maitre d' to the table. "More wine." His voice was gruff and he cleared his throat.

After his glass had been refilled and his thirst for the numbing alcohol had been sated he leaned back in his chair and rubbed idly at his mouth. "What's his name?" It hadn't been part of the plan to ask that question, but the alcohol was forcing him to relax against his will. _That's a normal question to ask someone about their kid. Calm down._ "Or does that make me a stalker for wanting to know? Since it's so easy to accuse me for having some interest." Perhaps he wasn't making sense… but the whole situation wasn't making sense. Alex forced another arrogant grin and, making sure she saw him, casually checked his watch without seeing it. _Remember. You don't care._

The guilt that washed over her nearly knocked her out of her chair but somehow she managed to keep her emotions in check. "Same old Alex," she muttered to herself as she reached for her wine once more. She was more than okay with his insults and jabs, those she could deal with without having to bat an eye. What she couldn't deal with, were the questions about her son. Even though he was playing it cool, she knew that he knew. There was no way she could have seen the boy without knowing because every time she looked at her son, she saw Alex starring right back at her.

"His name is Andrew," she said as she took another sip of wine. "But he hates being called Andy because he thinks it's beneath him." A faint smirk tugged at the corners of her mouth as she stared into the crimson liquid that was contained within the goblet. She hadn't meant to give him any details or hell even smile, but she was madly in love with the kid and she couldn't help it.

Another sigh had her bringing her eyes back up to meet his and silently her mind demanded that her heart become hardened. Well, there was no need to beat around the bush. "Okay Alex, let's cut the crap and just get right to it," she said as her fingers toyed with the steam of the glass. "So go ahead and ask me what you already know and let's be done with it."

With her abrupt change in demeanor and her straightforward question, the dam of hurt and anger and betrayal and bitterness and pain that Alex had so carefully contained inside of him threatened to burst. Maybe it already had; maybe it was slowly leaking into his system, for he could feel his entire body heating with emotion. "What am I supposed to know, Izzie?" His voice was cold. Alex was focused on her completely with a rigid concentration. "Is there something that you forgot to mention to me?" He wanted to hear her say it. Wanted to listen to the words come from her mouth, wanted to feel the way it would rip his heart from his chest.

And when she confirmed his suspicions completely… for she already had, now it was just the formalities that had to be gone through… what would happen then? It was a different kind of betrayal this time, bordering on hatred. Although he could never hate her, could he? No… there was nothing she could ever do to cause that. But this was close.

Alex had planned on making a clean break. How could a clean break be made with something like this laid before them both? _Return the ring. Say goodbye. Leave. And never look back._ It wasn't that easy anymore…


	7. Truth

Her bottom lip trembled for a half of a second before she bit down onto her tongue. She had known he was capable of being cruel, but this? It was like he had taken a hammer to her heart and shattered it into a million microscopic pieces. Needless to say there was no way she was going to discuss their son under those conditions. Not a damn way in hell.

Silently she picked up the napkin from her lap and patted the crisp material against her mouth before setting it onto the table. "I've lost my appetite," she announced as she pushed away from the table and stood on shaky legs. She wanted to scream, cry and beat the living hell out of him, but somehow she managed to give him a rather forced looking smile as she reached for her purse. "Thank you for dinner Alex, sorry you had to be an ass and ruin it."

Without waiting for a response she quickly headed for the door, her golden locks bouncing behind her as she fought to maintain her composure. She wasn't about to have a breakdown inside of one of the nicest restaurants in the city; she was better than that. However once she was outside? Well, all bets were off.

The chill the night carried nipped at her cheeks and caused her to flush as her fingers fumbled with the clasp of her handbag. She could feel the eyes of the valets on her as she frantically searched the seemingly endless depths of her purse for the ticket. "Dammit!" she swore loudly as she fought back the urge to just launch her purse at the nearest wall. Fortunately she seemed to scare the stub into showing itself and a few seconds later she was shoving it into the hands of one of the young men. "Please hurry," she said as she glanced over her shoulder.

She was running away from him again. This time he refused to let her get away so easily, and in a hurried moment he had slapped down more than enough money to cover the bill and tip and then he was out the door. People gawked as he had left and he merely exited with a rushed, jaunty step and an exasperated smile. Alex would not lose his dignity, whatever remained of it. The cool rush of air felt like ice on his flushed skin.

"No. Not this time Izzie. I'm not letting you walk away from me again." His hand was on her elbow and he turned her around so that she was forced to either look him in the face or stare at the ground. The valets, young men all of them, were watching with curiosity. Alex glared and they looked away, but at this point he was beyond truly caring.

"I might be an ass, Izzie. The biggest ass in the world. But that doesn't change the fact that I've never been anything less than honest with you even if it meant hurting you or admitting to my mistakes. So let's hear it. What am I supposed to know?" His voice had gradually grown louder until he was almost yelling his demand at her. Alex's hand was still on her elbow, holding her firmly but not roughly. And his eyes were now ablaze with his burning emotions, boring into her own which were glassy with tears. "Answer me." Another demand, in a quieter voice, a hint of pleading just beneath it.

She couldn't say that she was surprised when he came out after her, nor was she surprised when he was practically yelling at her. What did throw her off however, was the pleading look that lingered behind the flash of anger that was dancing behind his eyes. That look alone made her wish that she could somehow just rip her own heart out and put it away in a box so that she wouldn't be able to feel anymore. His words had struck a cord deep within her and she had to look away to keep herself from crying.

"He's yours," she answered in barely a whisper. "Dammit, he's yours. Are you happy now?" She tugged her arm out of his grasp and hugged it close to her body. She knew she was naïve to think that they would have never had this discussion, but over the past six years she had found herself hopping that they never would. She also knew that he had a right to know, but back then she thought she was doing what was best for them both. And she had, hadn't she?

Alex was now a famous plastic surgeon who had his face in every news magazine and medical journal available. Would he have been able to achieve the same success if they had settled down to play family? One of them would have given up their dreams and she just couldn't allow that to happen. So she had taken all of the responsibility upon herself and raised their son as a single mom. She had done the right thing. 

She reached up and raked her fingers through her hair, glancing over to send the valet a look that said 'get my car or die.' "I found out after I broke things off between us. What was I supposed to do?"

It didn't matter that he'd already known about the little boy being their son. His son. It didn't matter how much he thought he'd prepared himself against the words he wanted to hear her say. Nothing could have steeled himself against the pain, the real physical pain that caused every muscle in his body to tense rigidly and made him feel on the brink of throwing up or passing out. Neither of which he would do - he was Alex Karev, and Alex Karev didn't do that.

"Seriously, Izzie? What were you supposed to do?" He shook his head, his hands gesticulating almost wildly. "I don't know. Maybe you would have told me. Maybe we could have had a family, even if we weren't together. Maybe I would have spent these last six years helping you to raise OUR son, not missing out on the most important times of his life. Yeah, I might be a successful plastic surgeon. Maybe that would have changed. But I…" He shook his head, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to form the words. "I thought you knew me, Izzie." This last sentence sounded almost defeated. Alex dropped his arms to his sides and turned on his heel to walk away.

But he wasn't done, and before he took even more than a step away he returned, his face close to hers. "I thought I knew you. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to anyone? What happened to the Izzie I fell in love with? I sure as hell don't think that Izzie would knowingly rob someone of their child's life. And that's what you've done. What have you told him? What will you tell him? Lie and tell him that his father is dead? That his father walked out on you two?" Alex was visibly shaking now, and he was struggling to focus on her through the tears that were clouding his eyes. "I told myself that I would never end up as anything similar to my father. That I would be the best father a child could have. And you've ruined it for me." He took a deep, ragged breath. "You know what. Fuck this. _Fuck this._"

Again he turned, preparing to angrily storm off when he remembered the ring in his pocket. Before he could think anything more about it he approached her one last time, ripped the box from out of his pocket, grabbed her wrist roughly and pressed the small box into her hand. "I don't care what you do with it. But I don't need anything to remind me of you." This time he turned, adjusted his jacket and stepped into the parking lot.

The tears that she had been struggling to contain broke through and stained her pale cheeks, their trails glistening under the soft lights of the restaurant's exterior. She hadn't thought that he would have reacted this way. Hell, she thought he might have been able to see where she had be coming from and appreciate the fact that she had given him the opportunity to live his life. Too bad that she had only been fooling herself.

Slowly she glanced down to the box that had been forced into her hand, her thumb grazing the soft velvet as her vision went blurry. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It should have been easier. She pressed her lips together and tried to blink away the tears, but they refused to stop coming. She wasn't going to let him walk away without saying what she had been too afraid to admit to herself. It was time to stop running.

"I told him that his father was off doing great things!" she called out as she spun around. Even if she had thought it best to tell her son that his father was dead, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her words had caused him to pause, and she took a few very deliberate and determined steps toward him. "I told him that he was out trying to change the world." Her hand clenched the small box, the pain giving her the strength to continue. And she had to continue or she wasn't ever going to be able to get out what needed to be said.

"Dammit Alex I never stopped loving you." She trembled as he turned to face her, the distance still great between them. "I didn't want you to lose your dreams because of me."

Her words caused him to turn around. Had she actually told their son that? Did she mean what she said about loving him? So many questions were clamoring for his attention inside his head. They were standing many paces away from each other in the middle of a parking lot. How ironic. Alex was glad it was dark because he couldn't tell if the tears that had been threatening to spill actually did or not. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he looked away and forced himself to take a few deep breaths, trying to slow the rush of conflicting emotions. Didn't she realize that she had been a part of those dreams?

Finally, his voice grave and measured, he responded. "It's a little late for that."

There wasn't anything more to be said. Not tonight. Maybe never. Alex turned, slowly, and continued blindly on his way. The valet had his keys. But maybe he could find a bar along the way and go from there. _The world changed me tonight._


	8. Numb

His words tore straight through her soul and for a moment she couldn't breathe. Every molecule inside of her body was screaming and threatening to burst if she didn't pull herself together. Her hand clasped the thin material above her heart as a wave of pain etched itself across her features. She couldn't deal with this; it was never supposed to happen in the first place.

She sniffled as she took a few shaky breaths and her hands fumbled for the phone in her purse. Through the tears she was somehow able to dial and before she placed it to her ear, she brushed the back of her hand under her eyes. "Hello?" She gulped as she fought for some sort of composure, willing her voice not to break. "Hey it's me," she said as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Can you come get me? I…I don't think I can drive."

Twenty minutes later a black Lexus had pulled up and the valet moved to open the door for her. Mascara was smudged under her eyes but she still offered a smile that could rival the stars. It was just a shame that the spark behind her eyes had been extinguished. "Just take me home," she whispered as her head fell back against the seat. Her knight in shining automobile merely nodded and as the rest of the world zoomed by she couldn't help but want to fade away into oblivion.

"Iz. Izzie." Her name caused her to stir and she reached up to rub the sleep from her eyes. "You're home. Come on, let me walk you in." She nodded and reached for the door, exhaustion threatening to take her down and causing her falter. Fortunately a strong arm slipped around her waist and together they made their way up the walk.

"Uncle George! Uncle George!" The young blond boy came tearing around the corner and launched himself into the man's arms. "Hey there! Why are you still up?" George cast a nervous look over his shoulder at Izzie who was quickly trying to wipe away any evidence that she had been upset. "Miss Parker said I could wait up for my Mommy for ten more minutes and you came! Hey! Will you read me a bedtime story like last time? The one about the dinosaurs!"

Izzie watched as her son attacked George and finally a faint yet sincere smile touched her lips. "So what, I don't get a hello?" she said after a moment's pause. The small boy wiggled out of her friend's arms and ran over to wrap himself around her neck. She clung to her child for support and had to keep herself from crying. "Mommy what's wrong?" She was foolish to believe that her son wouldn't have been able to pick up on the intense emotions that she was radiating. "Nothing sweetheart. Mommy just has a headache. Why don't you run into your room and Uncle George will read you a story and then I'll give you a kiss goodnight. Okay?" "Okay Mommy. Come on Uncle George."

She stood frozen in place until she was summoned to the bedroom to kiss Andrew goodnight. She never imagined that she could feel so cold and so empty, like pieces of her were dying. George moved her out to the couch and put on some tea for the both of them. "So you, you wanna talk about it?" he asked once he had brought over a mug for her. "Not really," she answered as she stared down into the pale tanned liquid.

George sat silent for a while, always looking like he was about to say something but never following through. "Stay with me tonight?" She couldn't even bring herself to look at him, but she knew she didn't want to be alone. "Uh yeah okay sure."

He wasn't sure how long she cried while he held her against him, but what he did know was that it was breaking his heart. Izzie had been his family ever since they first moved in together those many years ago and while he had dealt with her ups and downs, even the fallout after she had left Alex the first time, he had never seen her quite so defeated. It just wasn't fair.


	9. Drink to Get Drunk

Alex wasn't sure what to do. Or what to feel. Or what to think. Or how to go on. Now he was walking down the unfamiliar streets, sticking to the sidewalk, passing strangers by in the dark. A happy couple, arms around each other, giggling and grinning at one another as they slowly made their way in the opposite direction. They looked happy.

_I need a drink._ His head was throbbing and his body felt strangely numb. The night had not gone as planned, although he hadn't really counted on Izzie's revelations. Her word's played back in his mind repeatedly: _'Dammit Alex I never stopped loving you.'_ Was it true, or just something she had shouted in a moment of desperation? Alex's heart ached as he thought about it. _It doesn't matter anymore. Remember that._

The glare of neon lights captured his attention, and with a sense of relief he realized it was coming from a nearby bar. When he walked in, everyone seated at the bar turned to stare. Must have been local drunks who were there every night like clockwork. Hadn't he been like that at Joe's? _Stop thinking about the past. All that matters is what's happening right now. _Taking the first empty seat atop a stool with a ratty, duct taped cushion, he waved the elderly bartender over.

"What'll it be for you, kid?" It had been a long time since anyone had called him kid.

"Vodka. And keep it coming." The old man eyed him carefully before placing a few shot glasses before him and filling them all neatly to the invisible line. With a rising sense of anticipation, Alex downed the first. It burned. Then the second. Much better.

By the third he noticed a pretty young woman who had taken a seat next to him. She smiled and dipped her eyelids in a surprisingly provocative way, her painted lips upturned in a small, charming smile. Soon he was buying her drinks along with his.

And then his hand was on her leg, his fingers grazing the skin just under the hem of her skirt. She was laughing, and he was laughing, and all thoughts of what had happened earlier were completely gone from his mind. Somewhere during their conversation he had invited her back to his hotel room, and she had accepted, and they had more to drink.

The bartender cut them off and Alex used his cell phone to call a cab. Outside they were kissing each other, fooling around, acting like drunken teenagers on the sidewalk. The cab pulled up and they managed to get in, the woman in his lap the entire way to the hotel. After paying the taxi driver and giving him a very generous tip, Alex and his new companion stumbled inside and made it to the elevator. The ride up to his floor consisted of him pressing the woman against the wall, sharing some heated kisses and fumbled groping.

Once inside the suite, Alex took off his jacket and went to the nearest phone to call downstairs and order some wine. However while he was sitting on the couch, he saw where he had scribbled the name of the restaurant from earlier, along with the phone number. Then the night came back to him. What the hell was he doing with some woman in his suite? Even as he thought about that, she came over to him and tried to sit in his lap, attempting to kiss his neck.

A wave of disgust washed over him. She smelled like cheap perfume. Alex pushed her off of him, causing her to look at him in confusion. "I don't think this is a good idea." The words sounded foreign, and he didn't recognize his own voice. Now that he saw her in the lighted room he realized the makeup she had on was overdone, and she didn't look quite so beautiful. He ached to be with someone…. But not like this.

"Fine." The woman was angry. And very drunk. "Be an asshole. I don't care. I'm too good for you anyway, bastard." She tried to march away but she tripped herself with her high heels. She let out a small cry and tried to straighten her shoulders, regaining her composure.

"Why don't you let me call a cab for you?" He was answered with the slamming of the door to his suite. With a great, heaving sigh he fell back against the couch. Images of Izzie danced behind his closed eyes, causing a smile to appear. There were some great memories… 

What had he been trying to prove by inviting that woman to spend the night with him? He would have thought of Izzie the entire time and felt dirty the morning after. Tonight wasn't the night to be acting like a playboy, and getting drunk had only slightly helped to quell the negative thoughts of his brain. But he needed someone. More specifically, he needed Izzie. He had needed her the very night she had left him in that parking lot, and he needed her more than ever right now.

With that thought, he picked up the phone and ordered the wine. It might not be the proper solution, but it was all he had.


	10. Morning After

The next morning, Alex woke up in an uncomfortable position on the couch. The almost empty wine bottle was on the nightstand and all of the lights were still on. _Great. Just what I need._ With a grumble he got to his feet and checked his watch. Despite his hung-over state, he had woken up with plenty of time to get ready before his flight. The conditioning he'd had at Seattle Grace had never left him… his internal clock was always right on time.

After taking a shower and brushing his teeth, Alex packed what few things he'd actually taken out of his suitcase and checked his cell phone. No messages. Not yet, anyway. It was still early. Looking around the suite one final time, it was hard to believe anyone had stayed there - it certainly didn't look lived in. Satisfied that he wasn't forgetting anything, he left his room and made his way downstairs to the lobby.

It was easy enough to check out of the hotel, but now he had the problem of retrieving his car. Right. It was still in the parking lot at that restaurant. Time for another taxi ride. Soon he had explained what had happened to the manager on duty and was given the keys to his rental car. Alex still had time to spare and his head was killing him, so instead of going to the airport right away he decided to stop for some coffee. It would also give him time to read the newspaper; he always liked to read newspapers from other places in the country.

Finding a small but bustling café nearby, Alex parked in front of it and strode inside. The smell was delicious and he could feel his mouth watering and his body craving the caffeine even before he took a place in line. Once he ordered his coffee, he took it to what looked like the perfect spot in a corner and settled himself in a chair. The liquid was hot and delicious and seemed to wake him up as soon as it touched his tongue.

Meanwhile George had slipped away from Izzie and headed home to take a quick shower and grab a change of clothes before he returned to deal with the fallout from her encounter with Alex. He was frustrated, no beyond frustrated with how everything was playing out and he couldn't help but feel extremely helpless in the situation. Who the hell did he think he was by marching back into her life like that? Sure she had left him, but Izzie had explained and George understood. And okay maybe he hadn't fully been able to understand her insane female logic, but he supported her nonetheless.

He ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair as he got back into his car and headed for her house. He still didn't know all of the details about what had happen the night before and that was what partially drove him crazy. It was the not knowing, not being able to offer anything other than a shoulder to cry on that added to his feeling of helplessness. But then again that's what made him George and he was Izzie's George, her friend, her family and that's all that really mattered in the end.

A low grumble in stomach caused him to pull over and he figured that a large cup of coffee and something to eat would help him survive the rest of the day. So he got out of the car and headed into one of the busier coffee shops around. And as an added sort of bonus, it just happened to be the one that had scones that Izzie loved. Hey, maybe they would help cheer her up a bit?

He mentally crossed his fingers as he bumped into people as he made his way up to the counter. How was it that even now as a successful surgeon he appeared invisible to the rest of the world? Oh well, he knew there was no reason to get upset over it, so he merely fumbled his 'excuse mes' and placed his order. And that's when he saw him. Well not right away, but just as he was turning around to head back out.

His eyes blinked rapidly and he shook his head to make sure he wasn't dreaming. When the figure didn't disappear, he stood frozen for a moment before his feet marched him right on over to the side of his table. "What do you think you're doing here?" His eyes went wide as the words escaped him, but he quickly put on one of his angrier looks. Granted he really wasn't an intimidating guy, but it was worth a shot.

Alex hadn't noticed George entering. So when the man was standing before him demanding to know what he was doing here, Alex was very surprised. George looked almost exactly the same as the last time he had seen him, and it didn't look like his confidence had grown very much over the years either. Even though the man was attempting to be threatening, Alex was not intimidated at all.

"Drinking coffee." He wasn't exactly in the mood for a confrontation, so he merely snapped the newspaper he was reading and pretended to continue scanning the article with a disinterested expression. "How's it been, O'Malley?" Alex guarded against any irritation showing in his voice, knowing that this wasn't the time or the place for whatever this was. Whatever George was trying to make it into.

He fought the urge to rub his forehead and instead looked up at O'Malley with a small smirk. It was a smirk that tried to convey a lot of things… Do we have to do this now? Does it matter? Is it any of your god damned business in the first place? Alex was not in the mood. Not now, when the last couple days had been complete hell. Not now, when he mind was still feeling the effects of too much alcohol. Not now, when his heart was still bleeding from the freshly opened wound.

Alex blinked, hoping that George would disappear when his eyes opened again. Unfortunately, he was still there. He was still standing there glaring at Alex with a look of what seemed like hatred.

George had decided about five seconds after his initial confrontation that he wasn't going to back down this time and for more than just the obvious reason. Yeah letting him have a piece of his mind regarding the Izzie situation was high on the list, but he was also doing something that he had never gotten the chance to do back when they were interns. He was fighting back, standing his ground and showing that smug bastard that he wasn't afraid of him. 

"It's been great," he managed as he tried to stare the man down. Alex might not have wanted to get into things, but it was a little late for that. He was tired of having to pick up the pieces and more importantly he just wanted his friend, no best friend, to be happy. "Yeah it's been real great up until you decided to show back up." Well, it was a start.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his hand clenching his cup of coffee. He really did feel ridiculous just standing there and rather than causing a scene, he slipped into the seat across from Alex. "Just tell me why you came back," he said in a lowered voice as he shifted a somewhat nervous glance around. "And then, then you can tell me what you're going to do about it." Yeah, that sounded good for the most part.

If George thought his words stung, he had another thing coming. Alex was beyond all of this. It was bullshit. Complete. And utter. Bullshit. With a silent groan on the inside, he closed the paper and looked across the table at George as the man took a seat. _Is he actually doing this? I don't have the time. Or the patience. Or the stomach for this. _Despite his hangover and his growing frustration, Alex took an easy stance in his seat, his ever-present smirk not failing him now.

"Well don't worry, O'Malley, I'm leaving today and I don't plan on ever coming back." Slowly he took another sip of the coffee, trying to judge the situation. What is it that George wanted to hear, exactly? There wasn't anything that Alex needed to say to him. "What was I doing here, hmm…" It was sarcastic, and he paused to pretend to think. "Let's think about that for a second. Izzie walked away from me with no explanations six years ago, so I came back for that explanation. For closure. To give her something of hers that I've had for awhile." He shrugged. "So you can go to her and let her know she doesn't have to worry her pretty little head anymore, either, cos big bad Alex Karev won't be around these parts unless it's for a paid lecture."

He meant every word he said, too. There wasn't any possible way he could see himself coming back here unless it was for something medically related. With another swallow of the coffee he thought to himself about how nice it would be to board his flight and go back to his office. And since she obviously didn't want him to have anything to do with their son, that wouldn't be an issue either.

George's mouth opened and closed like a fish and he had to turn his eyes down to stare at the cup in his hands while he gathered his thoughts. "So you're just gonna leave?" His brow furrowed as he glanced up to look at Alex. "You're just gonna walk away like some, some coward?" His eyes lit up and for a second he even surprised himself. Where was he going with this anyway? He wasn't quite sure he knew himself.

"Well I guess it's a good thing I'm here to clean up after you again," he stammered with a nod of his head. "At least Izzie knows she can count on me not to give up on her even when she makes mistakes." He pushed himself to his feet and grabbed his coffee from the table. "So you go on and run back home and I'll keep raising the son you're turning your back on."

He didn't bother waiting for Alex to respond and with his coffee clutched in one hand and the bag containing Izzie's scone in the other, he fled out the door. Now all he had to worry about was whether or not he was going to tell his friend what he had done.

George called him a coward for running away, and then ran away before Alex could respond. For a moment Alex just sat there in confusion, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore so he didn't bother to try and rationalize it. Instead, he calmly finished his coffee, tucked the paper beneath his arm and left the café. 

There was a part of him that was shouting at him to fight like hell for his son. Not that he wanted to take the boy away from Izzie, but he did want to have something to do with his life - something more than just pretty words about what he was supposedly doing and why he wasn't there. But the other part of him felt like it was a lost cause and that all he had managed to do was cause a lot of pain to resurface for not only himself but Izzie too. Pain that he had to feel to get on with things.

As he drove towards the airport, it began to rain. He hadn't noticed it before, but the sky had turned an ugly grey color and the clouds were swollen and angry. Wasn't it ironic that the weather always seemed to mirror his moods? 

Alex turned on the radio and accelerated on the thruway. He couldn't afford to be late.

After all, he had a flight to catch.


	11. Up And Go

Sunlight streamed through the windows and a soft clicking sound caused her eyes to flutter open. "Ugh," she groaned as her head began to throb. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to remember just what in the hell she had done the night before. Had she been out drinking? No, she didn't feel nauseous. So then why was her head pounding? Oh. OH.

She squeezed her eyes shut as her heart ached within her chest. Memories of the previous night overwhelmed her as they came flooding back and for a second she thought she was going to cry again. _Stop it Izzie, you're stronger than this._ She took a deep breath as she pushed herself out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. "Jesus," she muttered when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had mascara smudged under her eyes. She definitely was not a pretty sight.

"Uncle George!" She glanced over her shoulder and quickly splashed some water on her face before heading out to see her friend walk in with some coffee and a pastry bag. "Hey," she muttered somewhat sheepishly as she made her way into the kitchen. She felt like an ass for calling him over the night before and having him deal with her heartache, but at the time she had no one else she could turn to.

He offered her a smile and handed her the scone, which then caused a smile to finally light up her face. God she loved that man hard, it was just a shame they were too much like family. Her heart cringed at the thought, a feeling of guilt striking it to the core. It didn't even want her to consider moving on, it wasn't ready to let go. Even after six years of being without him her heart was still hanging on for dear life. A bitter laugh sounded in her head and she had to shake away the thought. It was ironic how every time she felt some sort of attraction toward another man she felt like she was betraying the one she had walked away from.

Silence lingered between the two friends as they watched her son play in the living room while they sat next to each other on the couch. She could sense that George seemed a bit antsy about something, and when she had finally pried it out of him, her stomach dropped and her eyes went wide. "You what!"

She didn't know what to think let alone say and her best friend was suddenly looking very guilty. Well, that was up until he told her to pull her head out of her ass and figure out what she really wanted. Okay so maybe he had stuttered some and didn't use those exact words, but that was the main message he had conveyed. So that was the question, what did she really want?

"He's leaving today?" she asked as she stood to pace around the room. "Yeah, said he wasn't going to come back." Her brow furrowed and she looked down at her son who was coloring with a fierce determination. "Like hell he is."

Izzie ran for the phone and quickly called the airport, doing everything in her power to remain calm and keep her heart from catching in her throat. It was easy enough to get them to put her through to his cell since they were both doctors and she knew way too many polysyllabic words to throw at them to make the situation seem life threatening. "Come on Alex," she mumbled as she waited with baited breath on the other end of the line. "Please don't be on that plane yet."

Alex was sitting in a semi comfortable chair at the proper terminal, his legs stretched out before him. His head still hurt, but now the pain was more of a dull ache and not a throbbing, mind-consuming burn. Now he felt detached from the day before, as if the events had never happened to him. Repression was a beautiful way of moving on, though it came with the risk of showing up at the worst times and causing grief and stress when it was unwelcome.

If someone were to split him open he wouldn't be surprised if there was nothing but a swirling, frigid, vacant air. Isolated landscape of his insides. Of course he didn't mean his physical body, but his emotional body if such a thing existed. Alex Karev: dead inside. There was only so much he could take and so many times he could be broken by the woman he used to regard as a golden-haired angel.

Something was delaying the flight by fifteen minutes. Grumbling could be heard all around him and he tuned out the faceless crowd by opening the newspaper of earlier to finish it. Nothing too interesting seemed to be happening around these parts, just the usual day-to-day details that made up a meaningless conglomerate of suburban life. _Glad I don't live here. _

In his pocket his cell phone began to vibrate, mildly surprising him before he realized what it was. Flipping it open and swallowing a sigh of irritation, he didn't bother to issue a greeting. "I'm not even on the plane yet, can't this wait until I'm back?" Silence for a moment. Strange. Everyone from the office was used to him answering the phone like that.

"Alex it's me, sorry but I had to—"

A flash of anger. "I thought we discussed everything we needed to discuss last night."

"Would you shut the hell up for a second and let me talk?" She sounded frustrated. Inwardly he smiled with satisfaction. He stopped talking. Waited. "Don't go. I…I don't want you to go." The way she sounded made his heart stop, but only for a split second before he remembered that he was no longer going to have emotions. Not about this. It was done, over, finished.

"They just started boarding." A quick movement of his hand and the phone was shut with a click. No goodbye. No arguing. No nothing. Clean incision, easy suture, no infection. Perfect.

Like a zombie he got up and boarded the plane, smiling a fake but believable smile at the flight attendants. As always he had booked all of the seats in his row so that he would be completely alone, and as he settled into the cushy leather he let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.


	12. Lover's Spit

It had been exactly thirty-four days since Alex had hung up on her and crushed her hopes of making things right, but that no longer mattered. She had thrown herself into her work, taking on even more cases and pushing herself to the point of near exhaustion. If she wasn't working, she was with her son and when he was sleeping she was up researching countless medical texts in her pursuit for knowledge. She couldn't allow herself to slow down, not while she was still tending to a broken heart.

"Are you sure you're okay watching him while I go to this thing?" Izzie looked up from her packing to stare at George as he played with his newest handheld video game. "Yeah I totally got this covered," he said as his thumbs rapidly pressed the buttons. "Besides, this conference is going to do you some good. Let you get out and mingle with all of the hot shots." He glanced up to smirk at her before promptly returning his attention back to his game. "You know I really wish you were coming with me," she said with a sigh as she moved back over to her dresser. "Well if I did that then who would watch your son?" He had a point.

The flight to Los Angeles was uneventful and she spent most of it flipping through her notes and trying to memorize her speech. She had almost forgotten about the conference entirely and if someone hadn't called to confirm her reservation she just might have. Hell, up until that point she had forgotten she had even written and article for that damn journal. But those articles got the grant money and the conferences helped further her career so she pretty much had to go. Well, at least it would keep her mind off of Alex and focused on more important issues.

The next eight or so hours after she had landed all faded away into a blur as soon as she had reached her hotel room. She wasn't even granted a second to breathe before she was whisked away to give her lecture to her colleagues. When she was finally allowed to return to the plush suite, she only had enough time to change before she was expected to attend the dinner and dancing that had been arranged. _I knew I should have come in a day early. This is ridiculous._

With her golden locks swept up and a gorgeous burgundy gown hugging her curves in all of the right places, she finally made her way downstairs to the ballroom that had been reserved for the evening. She entered the event with grace and an air of confidence, her smile practically lighting up the room and drawing attention from men and women alike. It felt good to be appreciated, envied and respected. It felt damn good.

Fortunately she had been seated with those whom she shared a great deal in common with and so she had gotten through the meal portion of the night without too much discomfort. While she had always been an outgoing people person, she really did dread being stuck with a bunch of stuck-up conservative doctors, so she was definitely grateful when the fates smiled down on her and given her a rather lively group to sit with.

As the music started, she was easily one of the first asked to dance and for the first time in those thirty-four days she had experienced a bit of fun. "Well if it is the lovely Doctor Stevens, might I have this dance?" She beamed as the Chief Editor for the medical journal had cut in and quickly she slipped into his arms. "So how are you enjoying our little shindig?" the elder man asked with a bit of a chuckle. "It's really wonderful. Thank you so much for allowing me to be apart of this." He smiled and told her the thanks really weren't necessary and then proceeded to spin her around the floor with a burst of youth that surprised her.

"Oh there's my wife," he said as they danced into the next song. "You'll have to excuse me while I go sweet talk her into dancing with me." "Oh of course, think nothing of it," she grinned as she looked fondly onto the man. "Ahh but I can't leave you unattended. Let's see…" He turned his head to skim the crowd that lingered around the edges of the dance floor. "Ahh here we are. Alex my boy! Why don't you take this pretty lady around for a spin while I go charm my wife."

"Sure thing, Pat," Alex grinned at the man and looked for someone to give his glass of champagne to. The day had been eventful for him, fun even, and he had a great time talking about everything and nothing with his colleagues. Yes, he might be a little tipsy from the alcohol he'd been drinking but who here wasn't? It was time to have some fun.

Without looking at the blonde woman with too much detail he took the Chief Editor's place, his hand easily sliding around her waist in proper form. His gaze was still fixed on one of his goofy co-workers who was making a face at him and giving him the thumbs up sign, and through his laughter he started to introduce himself. "I'm Alex Karev, I don't know if you've -" His laughter was cut short when he realized that the woman went rigid at his touch and then he really looked at her.

It was Izzie. Gorgeous, blonde, Izzie Stevens. The same woman that he'd been fighting to forget especially this past month. "Holy shit," He mumbled, his eyes widening slightly. Panicking, he began to lead her around the dance floor anyway. What the hell was going on? Why was she here? A few of his acquaintances were watching him, and the Pat was smiling at the couple as he danced with his wife. It wasn't like he could cause a scene right now. That would embarrass him too much. "What are you doing here Doctor Stevens?" It was difficult to make his voice sound formal and polite. His entire body felt like it was on fire, and he cleared his throat in an anxious habit.

Izzie smiled sweetly. "Knitting a sweater. What the hell do you think I'm doing here, Alex?" Gritting his teeth, Alex led her in a faster dance, trying to mask his expression from the other guests. "I didn't realize you'd written an article for this particular journal." There was more he wanted to say. Something along the lines of, 'To fuck with me again? To ruin my life?' Both things which she probably wasn't there for… but to Alex it certainly appeared that way. Maybe this night wasn't so fun. Maybe he shouldn't have given his champagne to his friend.

"And somehow I'm not surprised that you would be here feeding your ego."

It didn't bother him that she thought he was stroking his ego. What bothered him was that she was being confrontational, again, and he thought that this was done and over with. Rather than say anything in return, his jaw muscles clenched and he looked away. The tension between them grew to something almost tangible. Both of them were silent for a few moments, until Izzie spoke up.

"Just let me go Alex, we've put on a show long enough."

So she could leave him to wallow in his own thoughts again? No. Not again. Especially not here, where there wouldn't be an excuse for him to act like an angry bastard. "You'll dance with me, because I'm here to feed my ego and what better way to do that than to be pictured with a nice piece of ass?" Alex hadn't meant to sound like such an asshole, but his anger was rising and causing him to forget about the formal pretense he'd been clinging to.

Her pale skin flushed with anger but somehow she was able to maintain a sugary-sweet smile that wasn't sincere at all. Obviously she was wrong about the fates being on her side because now it appeared that the higher powers were content with just laughing and pointing at her as she tried to figure out a way to get out of his arms. Had she really been naïve enough to think that he wouldn't have been there? No, they were on two different sides of surgical spectrum. Damnit, it wasn't like her not to find out the finer details of an event she was going to attend. Well, she was kicking herself for it now. Hmm, now there was an idea.

Only about a breath had elapsed after he had insulted her so it was completely a coincidence that she chose that time to trip over her own feet and jab the heel of her shoe into the top of his foot. "Oh I'm so sorry," she lied with a bright smile. "It's just been so long since I've danced." She knew that he wasn't stupid enough to believe she was being sincere and that was exactly what she was going for. If he wasn't going to let her go then she was going to make the experience as uncomfortable as humanly possible.

Alex swore under his breath and forced another smirk back to his face. Heels really were nasty things, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to let the pain get to him and cause him to limp. There was just no way he was going to let her win that easily. "You're feisty," he said with a casual grin. "You must remember I like that in a woman." His arm tightened around her waist and he pulled her roughly against him. "Now smile pretty Stevens, everyone is watching."


	13. Song Beneath the Song

Izzie glanced over her shoulder to see not only the Editor and his wife watching as they danced, but pretty much everyone who was around them. She took a deep breath and smiled, trying desperately not to notice how good it felt to be in his arms again. _Don't even go there Izzie, you tried and he walked away. Remember that._

"This is ridiculous," she said through gritted teeth. "Just let me go as soon as the song ends and we can pretend this never happened." Another smile was flashed and she did her best to look like she was having the time of her life. "Don't they make a rather handsome couple?" "Yeah, too bad Karev has a thing for brunettes and not blondes." Her face turned white as a sheet and she struggled to block out the sounds of the whispering. Some things she really did not want to hear.

"Pretend this never happened? Why would I do that? Aren't you having as much fun as I am, Izzie?" Another charming smile directed mainly towards the onlookers who were all watching them with adoring expressions. The whispered comments from people that knew him a little too well weren't lost on Alex, but he was indifferent to the way it must have been making Izzie feel.

His face was flushed with the alcohol and frustration, not to mention the pain in his foot from her wayward heel, and he lowered his head so that his lips were at her ear. "Besides, there's no use pretending that you don't want this." Her body, which had been rigid at first as he forced her to dance with him, had since begun to meld against his after he had pulled her against him. She was no longer attempting to distance herself or pull away even slightly; and if it was all just a part of the act they were both playing he couldn't deny that it felt good.

The song ended and was followed by a slower one. A photographer scurried over, a wide smile on his face. "Mind if I take a picture of you two? Definitely the best-looking couple here. The press will love it - the smartest and handsomest doctors of America." The man was obviously enthusiastic about it. Why not amuse him? "Sure, we don't mind, do we, honey?" Only a touch of sarcasm on the word honey. Nothing that the photographer would notice. Alex straightened, held Izzie close and smiled big for the camera.

She dazzled the man with her smile, her eyes even appearing to hold a twinkle as she posed for the picture. If she ever got Alex alone any time in the near future, she was going to strangle him, it was as simple as that. He should have just let her go when she had asked and then they would have never had to worry about continuing on with their little charade. "Perfect now smile!"

Just as the flash had gone off, Izzie turned and planted a kiss right on Alex's cheek. She wasn't entirely sure why she had been inspired to do it, but it probably had something to do with wanting to get back at him for the honey comment. Okay, maybe she just wanted to see if she could get a reaction out of him, but she was going to deny that little idea until hell froze over.

"That was great!" the photographer exclaimed. "Now let's just get one more and I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." Another picture later and the man was gone leaving the pair standing alone as people continued to stare. "Let me go now Alex," she said softly as she granted a small nod to some man who had been staring at her. If she was lucky maybe the guy would walk over and try to steal her away for a dance which would allow her to escape later. _Here's hoping._

Time stopped when he felt her lips soft against his cheek. That was something that he had not expected her to do under any circumstances whatsoever. It threw him completely off balance. For a moment he was looking at her through the same eyes he used to, seeing the same woman he had six years ago. She looked away. Without thinking, his hand moved to her chin, turning her to face him, tilting her head back. And for what seemed like a few seconds short of forever, his lips were against hers.

The world had sound again, suddenly, and he dropped his arm and stepped away from her. _What the hell just happened?_ With a nod at the man who had been staring at Izzie, and a gesture that told him she was his, he stepped backwards and then turned around to leave the dance floor. Everything felt shaken, as if the world had fallen out of orbit and then scampered back into place in the blink of an eye. Someone was asking him if he felt all right, and someone else was shoving a glass of champagne into his hand. "Never felt better," Alex replied with a grin, cocky but albeit shaky, and he raised the glass to his mouth.

After downing the rest of the champagne he turned to the nearest woman and asked her to dance. She was a bubbly redhead that wouldn't stop talking, but he needed to take his mind off of the awful mistake he had made. _Way to fuck up, Karev._ Tuning out the woman's voice he danced with her, completely oblivious to anyone around him. That was on purpose. He didn't want to look for Izzie. There was no way he'd be able to look into those eyes without feeling.

Her laugh was shaky at best and it took almost all of her concentration to focus on the people who were talking at her. To be completely honest she really had no idea what the hell they were talking about, all she knew was that she could still taste him on her lips and now he was dancing with some skanky redhead. Her eyes widened for a second as the realization that she was jealous sunk in. _No that couldn't be right, could it? Oh God I am._

"If you'll excuse me." She slipped away from the group that had been surrounding her and snatched a flute of champagne off of a tray a waiter had been carrying. With a few quick gulps the fizzy liquid vanished but she could feel the jealousy seep through her veins. She wasn't going to let him kiss her like that and just walk away. Not after he had shot her down when she had begged him to stay.

She waited until he had ditched the tramp and went over to sit with some of his buddies again. "Okay you can do this," she muttered as she took a deep breath. There was a deliberate sway to her hips as she neared his table, and she flashed a rather devious smile as she caught the eyes of his friends. There was no way he would be able to blow her off without catching some flack from his companions and Alex Karev was never a man to risk his own ego.

"Hey," she purred as she came up behind him, her fingers grazing the back of his neck as they drifted across his shoulders. "You ready to head back to my room?" She gave the guys at the table a wink as a sly smile tickled the curves of her lips. Oh yes, she was going to get him alone and one way or another they were going to finish this.

Alex had been enjoying himself quite immensely at the table he sat at, drinking and talking it up with some of his favorite colleagues. They all had a lot in common which made it even better, even if sometimes they could get a little too competitive about the stuff that they were talking about. He hadn't heard Izzie walking up behind him. First he saw their gazes shift, and then their eyes widen, and then he felt someone touching the back of his neck. Then he heard her voice.

She was inviting him back to her room. What the hell is going on? It wasn't the first time he'd asked himself that question tonight. "Looks like someone's had a little much to drink," he joked and turned to look at Izzie with a smile, his eyes cold. "I think I should probably help her back to her room so she doesn't go around making offers to someone more embarrassing." Alex's friends laughed, looked on with some jealousy, and watched as he offered his arm to her. Sometimes appearances could be everything.

As soon as the doors were closed behind him, he withdrew his arm like touching her burned his skin and glared angrily at her. "What is so fucking important, Izzie? What do you need to say to me ? I thought I had heard it all by now." Everything about his stance screamed defiance and his eyes were lit up with a slow burning fire.

Her hand pulled back and landed with a loud crack as it smacked against his cheek. "Oh I haven't even started," she hissed. Her eyes darted around as she noticed a few stragglers who had gone out to smoke were staring at them. She wasn't about to have this out with him in public. Before she could really comprehend what she was doing, she reached for his arm and practically dragged him into the nearest elevator.

"What the hell were you thinking kissing me like that?" she demanded as jabbed one of the buttons with her thumb. "You have no right to touch me, not after the way you left." She folded her arms across her chest and turned her head so that she could glare at him. "I was going to try and make things right between us but you walked away!" Her voice echoed within the polished brass box and the waves of emotions that were over taking her caused her body to shake.

"I get that you're pissed at me, I really do, but don't you dare parade me around like one of your little bimbos while you pretend everything is okay when it's not!" She knew she really wasn't making any sense, but at that point she was beyond caring. A soft ding sounded and the doors parted. "Don't bother following me," she growled before storming out and heading for her room.


	14. Scratch

His cheek still burned from where she had slapped him and his mind was galloping to catch up with what was happening. The combination of having too much to drink, being slapped, and struggling to continue indifference was causing Alex to have delayed reactions to everything. After she dragged him into the elevator she was screaming at him about something. About everything and nothing and all he could do was stare at her blankly.

Until she was storming away after informing him that he was not to follow her. Then all of the delayed reactions hit him at once and he was striding angrily down the hall behind her, easily catching up. "What the hell was I supposed to do? Come crawling back to the woman who left me standing in a parking lot wishing I had been shot in the head instead? I thought we were both a little above that." He grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around, holding on to her as she lost her balance from the quickness of his movement.

"Yeah. I'm touching you." Alex was pissed, and while he didn't want to hurt her, he wanted her to know that he was serious. He was then backing her against the wall, though they hadn't reached it yet and he switched topics again. "Was I supposed to leave just because you showed up? Were we supposed to have made a scene and ruined both of our reputations? No. I didn't think so. So we pretended that nothing was wrong. Nothing is wrong." Now he wasn't making any sense, and he had her pinned gently against the floral covered wall.

She didn't look scared. She looked pissed more than anything, but he could tell there were tears forming in her eyes. He was suddenly extremely glad that no one was around to see them in such a compromising position. "Everything is wrong." Alex was almost yelling, but now there was a difference in the way he emphasized his words. "Everything has been wrong since you left me." Accusatory. Hand cupping her delicate jaw, forcing her to look up at him.

Time stopped again. And this time, when his lips were against hers it wasn't with a hesitant, brief manner. No, it was a much angrier, passionate, brutal kiss than he had ever experienced before. The kind of kiss that stripped him of everything and mirrored the vulnerability with which he had stood before Izzie and asked her to marry him. Six years' worth of love tinged with anger had just now been given chance to escape the confines of his carefully built barrier.

Her body responded before her mind could process what was happening and once it did it was too late. Her curves were already melting against him and her mouth had opened to give what he demanded. Her mind screamed out to her that the entire situation was wrong, but her heart was shutting it down. Maybe this was the kind of closure she needed? Maybe she just needed on night to get him out of her system before she could move on with her life. _Just one night._

Arms slipped around his neck and fingers tangled in his hair as she pulled him closer. She needed to feel him, touch him just this once and forget the past. All of her frustration seeped out through her mouth but it didn't stop the realization that they were still in fact standing in the hall. "Alex, we can't," she panted as she turned her head and broke the kiss. "Not here."

His conscience, which usually would be screaming at him for doing this, was curiously quiet. Alex wasn't thinking about anything but the way her body felt against his, the way she tasted, and the way she smelled. The way his body was reacting to her touch. Most of all, the way she wasn't pulling away from him and was instead pulling him closer and closer until it felt like they were one person. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Suddenly she broke the kiss and pulled away, telling him that they couldn't. Not here. Dimly he remembered that they were still in a hallway; felt himself backing away. "No. We can't." Voice low and mumbling, his eyes locked with hers. With every pulse of his heart he could feel his blood rushing hotly through his body. Frustration, confusion, lust and longing filled his gaze. They had a decision to make… but perhaps it had already been made.

Wordlessly Izzie began moving to what he assumed was the door to her room. She fumbled with her evening bag as he watched her from the side, yearning to kiss the curve of her neck. In a few moments she had the door open and was looking at him questioningly. Dumbly he followed and walked into the darkened room. For a split second his conscience scolded him about how wrong this was, but then his arms were around her and their lips were crushed against each others and all he could think about was how he couldn't wait to explore that beautiful, soft skin beneath the burgundy fabric of her dress.

The bag fell to the floor as she lifted her arms and wrapped herself around him. She couldn't believe she had almost forgotten how good he smelled and how the taste of his mouth set her body on fire. There was an electricity between them, one that was undeniable even after all of these years. The Beast was definitely back, and It was back with a vengeance.

Her fingers fumbled with his coat and pulled it sloppily to the floor before they made their attack on the buttons of his shirt. She knew she didn't need to verbalize the intense need she felt and any questioning as to whether or not he was on the same page was silenced when she felt the zipper of her dress get tugged down. This was something that they both needed and it appeared that they were more than willing to give it to each other.

The fabric of her gown pooled at her feet and the moonlight that trickled through the window caused her porcelain skin to glow. In the silence of the room, she reached up and pulled her hair free, the locks cascading down her back in a brilliant flash of gold. There was a hunger dancing behind her eyes as she looked upon him, and it only flared as she closed the small distance between them and led him toward their final destination.

Alex felt her hands at the waist of his pants as they made their way to the bed. Between the two of them he shed the last items of clothing right before they arrived at the point of no return. In the soft glow of the moon she looked almost ethereal and soon his hands were caressing the familiar curves of her body, his mouth soon following suit. It might have been six years since he had touched her like this but he still knew every freckle on her body. He knew every spot that, with the gentlest touch, would have her rendered helpless with waves of pleasure. He hadn't forgotten. He never would.

Soon he was inside of her, his skin burning hot as it pressed against her milky white flesh. Leaning down he planted a few kisses against the skin of her neck and throat, but they were not the soft and gentle kisses of a slow, passionate love. They were the hungry kisses of a man who had been slighted and felt like he had something to prove. He didn't speak her name, didn't say anything, not even as his intensity increased and his breath started to come in shallow bursts. Instead he just let her feel his anger through each kiss and nip of flesh.

For the first time in years he felt out of control. His tumultuous emotions caused his heart to race even faster until he felt it might explode. What they were doing was wrong but in this moment it felt completely right. It was almost as if they were seeking to become one forever, to feel each other at the deepest level of existence. It was filled with six years worth of pain and love repressed, of anger and happiness that should have been theirs. And that spark that had never been extinguished completely, the spark they had shared at the height of their relationship. And the crescendo continued to rise.

When the world finally shattered around them, his name was a cry on her lips. Waves of loved mixed with that of pleasure washed over as her body trembled and sweat glistened on her skin. She loved him. With every breath in her body she loved and would always love him. Had they been brought together again by fate? Had the stars smiled down upon them to grant them one last night of pure happiness? She wasn't quite sure she was ready to believe, but if it was true then she was thankful. It was just a shame that when morning finally came she would have to let go.


	15. What Can I Say?

Alex was on his side, back facing Izzie. He felt guilty. She had cried out his name and he had not even whispered hers. He still loved her. The moment he had walked into her office he had known. It didn't matter how many times he tried to tell himself otherwise, how many women he got caught up with, or how much alcohol he drank. Alex Karev would always belong to Izzie Stevens.

Fighting the urge to turn to her, he slipped out of bed to find his clothes. Once he was dressed he took a seat on the overstuffed chair close to the bed. He could hear her breathing if he strained his ears hard enough. Alex felt his chest tighten with a mixture of sadness and regret as he let the darkness envelop him. What was she thinking? He couldn't even pinpoint what he was thinking, exactly; what had happened was still confusing and overwhelming to him. There was no way that he could leave without saying anything, and he could feel that she was still awake. Waiting. What should he say? What would the cocky, insufferable Alex Karev say in a situation like this? Nothing. But right now he wasn't that person. Right now he was just a man with a bleeding heart trying to find the right words to say.

"I love you." His voice was thick with emotion. Thankfully it was dark and she wouldn't be able to see his eyes. A pause, filled with some unnamed emotion.

"I know."

"But that doesn't change things. If it wasn't enough the first time it won't be enough now." Sadly he recognized this as an absolute truth as the words spilled from his mouth.

A soft sigh could be heard falling from her lips as she strained in the darkness to keep her heart from breaking. "I know." What more could she say? Her pride kept her from begging him to stay, even as her heart tried to defy it. If they were ever destined to get back together then they had to come together on even ground, not one pushing more than the other. And it tore her apart to know that it would never happen.

"I'm sorry," she said as she heard him rise and gather the last of his things. She sat up in the bed, pulling the sheet tight against her naked form. "I know it doesn't make much of a difference right now, but I just needed you to know that I am." She swallowed hard and did her best to blink back the tears that were threatening to escape the confines of her eyes. "Every time I look at him I see you," she whispered in a shaky voice. "And every day I wish that you could know how special he is."

She heard him pause for a moment before taking another step toward the door. "I really did think it was for the best and I know that doesn't mean shit now, but it's the truth." Her eyes strained against blackness of the room and in silence she prayed for the strength to say everything that needed to be said before he walked away forever.

"He's perfect you know," she continued on the next breath. "He's brilliant and sweet even when he's a terror. He's us Alex, and I hope that after you walk out that door you'll decide to let me introduce you so that you can get to know each other, because as much as I hate to admit it, he needs you. He needs his father." The air caught in her lungs as she waited for his answer. It wasn't some ploy to get him to come back to her; she wasn't like that. She just couldn't keep that little life all to herself anymore. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right.

"I don't know, Izzie." Alex felt suddenly exhausted, both emotionally and physically. He wanted to collapse and sleep forever. "It's easy for you to say that. You held him when he was defenseless and helpless. You cuddled him and told him how perfect he was when he couldn't understand you. You watched him as he learned to roll over, sit up, and crawl. Helped him take his first step. Watched as he grew. He doesn't know me. I wasn't there for any of that. That can't be replaced. That can't be redone. If he's anything like you say he is, I'm sure he won't be thrilled if I suddenly appear in his life." He leaned against the wall, his head bowed as he spoke to the still form on the bed. "And I won't be able to handle it if he rejects me. I don't know what I would do." It wasn't meant to sound as pitiful as it sounded, but it was true. Alex knew what it was like to have a missing father even though his father had always been there physically. Alex knew what it was like to reject his father. That was something he never wanted to endure.

"Telling me you didn't love me anymore hurt, Izzie." After a long silence he spoke up again, his voice low. "But finding out that we have a son…" He shook his head even though he knew she couldn't see him. "That hurt so much more." Quickly he shut up before his voice cracked.

He wanted to crawl into bed next to her and hold her. Just hold her. He wouldn't have to say anything, he wouldn't have to move, all he would have to do is hold her and feel her body close to his. But he knew that he couldn't do that. "I'd like to know him. But maybe it's too late for him to get to know me. I wasn't there for him."

"No! Don't even say that." She slipped out of bed and grabbed the robe that was hanging on the bathroom door. She might have screwed things up for herself, but she was not going to ruin things for their son. "Don't punish him because I screwed up, it's not fair." Her voice was strangely calm as she tugged the robe around her shoulders and pulled the strap tight.

"He asks about you every night," she said softly as she risked taking a step closer to him. "He makes me tell him stories about the past so that he can know you." She sighed at how wrong that sounded, how horrible it seemed. "Even George helps relive our memories back when we were interns because the boy wants to know. Damnit he wants you, he's not going to turn you away."

Her fingers were pulled through her hair as an exasperated sigh parted her lips. How could she make him understand? "I know you missed out on the first part of his life, but don't miss out on what comes next." Her arms fell to her sides and her shoulders shrugged forward. She needed to make things right for that beautiful little boy who waiting back at home because if she couldn't get anything else in her life right, this needed to be it. "Besides, I have extensive video documentation of everything you missed so you can catch up before you see him," she added with a faint grin.

"Really?" Alex couldn't help the way he posed the question - it made him sound like an eagerly hopeful little boy. If what Izzie had told him was true, then his son might not turn him away or spurn him for not being there. The child might be young, but children had an uncanny innocence to them which prevented them from sugarcoating things. The thought of meeting the little boy excited him. Would Andrew remember him as the lone stranger from the park?

Izzie was standing close to him, a robe draped around her body. They were talking about their son. It seemed like something a couple would be doing except for the fact that he would be leaving shortly and wasn't positive whether or not he'd see her again.

"Would you watch the videos with me?" It was a simple request. Alex didn't want to be alone when he watched the videos of a life he had missed. Frankly, he didn't care if she thought it was weird that he would ask something like that of her, or that it went against his nature to want that. Watching the videos was something he needed to do and he needed to do it with her.

"Yes of course I will," she answered without hesitation. She did find the request slightly odd since it was her fault that he had missed out, but she wasn't going to turn him down. Well that and the idea of spending a little more time with him was a bit appealing, but that was only admitted in the deep confines of her heart. She knew that they were over, over for good and over forever but she still wanted to be his friend. And more importantly? She wanted him to be her son's father.

"Um I have some pictures," she said as she flipped on the nearest light. "I can't go on a trip without bringing an album me with because I miss him too much." She walked over to the closet where her suitcase was kept and pulled out the pale blue album. "Would you like to see?" She waited until he turned toward her to sit down on the bed and tuck her legs under herself. "These are from his first birthday party. George gets a little carried away when he's on camera duty so I have entire albums for pretty much every event."

She smiled at the thought of her best friend even though the truth was that she had been betraying Alex in a way. But that man had been her rock, her strength and her George and if it hadn't been for him then she wouldn't have survived, that much she knew for sure. She opened the album and smiled down at the first picture with the words "Andrew's First Birthday" written around it. It was of the three of them, all with a bunch of chocolate cake smeared all over their faces. George had set the timer since she had insisted that he get in it too.

Tears welled up in her eyes as the faces smiled up at her. "This should have been you," she whispered as her fingers grazed the smooth plastic covering. "God Alex I'm so sorry, it should have been you." She took a deep breath and ran her fingers under her eyes, a hard laugh escaping into the air. "I really screwed things up royally didn't I?"


	16. Healing is Difficult

Alex left her, albeit hesitantly. More than anything he needed some time to clear his head and figure out a plan of action. Honestly he wasn't sure what it was that he wanted or needed to do aside from the fact that eventually it would have to include his son. The next day he was flying back to his office, lost in deep thought the entire way. When he arrived, even his receptionist noticed something different about him; he had changed substantially. There was something behind his eyes that hinted at a man that not a lot of people had seen, and quite frankly it worried everyone.

For the first few days he threw himself into his work, using up energy that he never knew he had. Although his work was flawless, as usual, he couldn't help the voice ever-present in his head whispering about his son. Often he would be found sitting at his desk just staring outside at the streets below while completely oblivious to messengers and other employees that came to ask him questions. There was only so much time he could spend in this strange, detached limbo and he knew it; people were expressing their concerns directly. Distant, they said, Strange for him. This isn't the Doctor Karev we know. Something's happened. But never did his smile falter when he needed it.

One morning he entered his office a little late, which was unheard of for him unless something extraordinary had happened. One of the secretaries had brought her daughter in with her, and the little brown haired, pig tailed child was smiling happily. "I need a week. Leave Martinez in charge. I don't want any calls unless hell breaks loose." The secretary looked at him with raised brows but didn't speak a word. They knew there was something wrong, they whispered that day during a meeting. Maybe the fame was starting to get to him.

After contacting the right people, because of course Alex had quite the great expanse of a network, he jotted down an address. Soon he was on a flight to the place which he thought he would never go to again. Just as the sky was beginning to darken and lights were blinking on in the houses he drove past, he pulled into the driveway of a magnificent house. It had taken him some time to determine whether or not he was actually going to do this - a few hours of memories and some dreamed up scenarios. Alex sat in the car, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, staring. I _Time to do this_. /I 

He stepped out of the car, dragged himself to the front door and rang the doorbell. Turning away to look longingly at the car, his only escape mechanism, he felt his stomach jump as the door opened.

Turning, he flashed an uncertain smile at her. "Hi."

Izzie had been in the kitchen making dinner when she heard the doorbell ring. She turned to look at her son who was propped up on a stool at the kitchen island and quirked a brow. "Was Uncle George coming over tonight?" she asked as she reached for a cloth to wipe off her hands. "Nope! Want me to go see who it is?" She gave her best 'mom' look that said 'you've got to be kidding me' which only caused the small boy to erupt into a fit of laughter. "How about you stay here and make sure the carrots don't make a run for it and I'll go see who it is."

She made her way through the house, catching sight of herself as she headed for the door. She was bare foot with her hair pulled into a sloppy bun and was wearing a pair of well-loved jeans, a t-shirt that was probably older than her kid and had a brightly colored apron tied around her. Not exactly her best look, but she was sure it would suffice for whoever was at the door. She almost decided to just grab her purse on the way but decided to let whichever young kid it probably was this week try to sweet talk her into buying something before she inevitably broke down and did it anyway. Only when she opened the door it wasn't just some kid trying to raise money for a fundraiser.

She blinked as her dark gaze locked onto the man she was fairly certain she wasn't ever going to hear from again, and paused as she gave herself time to figure out if she was hallucinating. "Um hi," she finally managed once he didn't disappear. She stood rather shell shocked for a moment before she shook her head and rediscovered her manners. "Sorry, um, come on in," she said as she stepped to the side and motioned for him to enter, the moment entirely too surreal.

His hands were buried in his pockets and he paused when she invited him in. There was a part of him that was so nervous he wanted to just say something brief like, "Hey I just wanted to see how you were, you look good, see ya later," but it was too late for that. Alex was making the first step towards the unknown, his future, and his possibilities that didn't necessarily involve making someone look pretty.

"Thanks. I hope I'm not interrupting anything." He offered an apologetic smile and glanced pointedly at the apron she wore. Izzie didn't have to be dressed up or wearing makeup to look beautiful, and he had to admit she pulled off the motherly look quite well.

It was weird being in her house.

It was even weirder knowing that somewhere in that house was his son that he'd never truly met.

"No, I was just making dinner. What are you doing here?"

A part of him wanted to look at her, shrug helplessly and say, "I don't really know. I just don't know," but instead he shrugged helplessly and replied with, "I had to come. I think you knew that."

It was eerie, even for him, knowing that he was acting calm and slightly rational. Gone was the Alex with the wisecracks and insults and sarcasm. Probably only temporarily, but still the change was getting to him.

The smirk that crossed her lips was faint and she tried her best not to just grin. It probably was a horrible way to react, but he looked so out of place that it was almost comical. But as the seriousness of the situation settled in, her expression sobered and she found herself fiddling with her hands. "I'm glad you came," she said softly as she closed the door behind him. i Okay so this is awkward… /i 

She wasn't quite sure what to say when an overzealous ball of energy suddenly came bursting into the foyer. "Mommy who's at the—" She watched as her son stopped dead in his tracks and stared up at the man who was his other half. "Hi!" he said after a moment's worth of shyness and hesitation. "Who are you?"

Izzie took a deep breath and then closed the distance between herself and her son, lowering herself to her knees as she turned to look at Alex. "Hey," she said as she ran her hand down the small boy's arm. "Remember how I told you that your daddy was off being great?" Andrew nodded as he stared at his mother with his childlike innocence. "And remember how I told you that some day he was going to come back?" The boy paused a moment, his eyes darting over to look at Alex as the realization slowly began to sink in. "Are you my dad?" he asked point blank. "Yes baby, that's your dad. Would you like to go meet him?"

Another bout of shyness silenced the boy and he looked at Izzie for a second before nodding. "Okay go ahead." The boy slipped away and moved over to Alex with a bit of uncertainty. He stared up at the man with wide eyes and after a heartbeat or two, he motioned for him to come down to his level. Alex kneeled, mirroring Izzie and both parents seemed to hold their breath as their son reached out and touched his father's face.


	17. God Bless the Child

She felt like her heart was going to burst as she watched her son slowly begin to accept the man who had been absent for the first five years of his life. As she took a deep breath, she pressed her lips together and listened as her pulse rang out inside of her head. This was pretty much the moment of truth, and just as a tear slipped out and trickled down the curve of her cheek, her son took another step closer and wrapped his arms around his father's neck. _That's my boy._

Alex smiled as Andrew touched his face, the small hand against his skin in a kind of wonderment. Was the boy making sure that he was real, that he actually existed? And then suddenly his tiny arms were encircling his neck and Alex felt a rush of affection for this little boy, his son, the product of a once in a lifetime love. Gently, as if he was afraid the blonde child might break, he returned the hug, blinking away some tears that threatened to escape.

"Hey kid, sorry I haven't been around." His voice was gruff but affectionate and as the little boy continued to cling to him and he felt his chest swell with emotion. "I have a lot to make up for." Maybe Andrew wouldn't understand what he was saying, but Alex had never had too much experience with children aside from his younger sister whom he hadn't seen in years. And besides, what would anyone say in this type of situation? He did the best he could without having his smile waver too noticeably.

Alex looked at Izzie and saw that the moment had affected her almost as much as it had affected him. Their eyes locked and he knew with a complete and utter assurance that everything was going to be okay. Maybe even more than okay. Andrew pulled away, grabbed his father's hand and tugged at him. "Come look and see the pictures I colored for you! I kept them for you for a surprise."

He stood, smiling down at the little boy and let himself be led to the living room where Andrew's coloring books were haphazardly strewn around. The boy ran around with a determined expression, flipping through some of them before he found the right one. With a huge delighted grin he plopped onto the couch and patted the seat next to him. "Come see!" He demanded gleefully, and Alex was only too happy to oblige.

She smiled and waited for the two to go before she fell apart in the middle of the entrance hall. Tears streamed down her face and silently she sobbed into her hands. It wasn't that she was sad, but at that moment she just couldn't deal with the sudden onset of emotions. And so she let them seep from her body in a sort of cleansing ritual until she was able to wipe the warm moisture from her cheeks and push herself to her feet.

Once her smile had been put back into place, she turned and headed back into the kitchen. It was obvious that the boys needed some time together and if she wanted Andrew to eat at a decent hour then she was going to have to finish what she had started. Soon the strong aroma of something Italian was filling the air and a soft chopping sound could be heard as the knife tapped down onto the cutting board. It wasn't any secret that back when she was an intern her skill in the kitchen (when it came to anything other than baking anyway) was lacking, but becoming a mother changed all of that. So slowly she improved and even George had given his approval.

After the table had been set and the bread pulled from the oven, she slipped off her apron and wandered over to the living. Alex and Andrew were seated on the couch, the young boy rambling on and on about one thing or another. She paused to linger in the doorway, her shoulder resting against the wall as she watched in silence. _Well there's something that I never thought I'd see._

"Hey guys I hate to break this up, but dinner's ready." Her son looked up and his eyes went wide. "Mom made spaghetti! It's my favorite, but I will share if you want some." She smirked as her son jumped off of the couch and tugged at Alex's leg. "Don't believe anything he says when it comes to sharing his food. It just won't happen." The young boy erupted into another fit of giggles and then ran off to take his seat at the table. Food was pretty much greater than life when it came to that kid. "If you haven't eaten I'd really like it if you could join us."

Andrew had been telling him a long story about dinosaurs, one of many that he had told in the past half an hour, and Alex had been listening and trying to be an active participant in the conversation. They had even argued about which was better: the t-rex, or the raptors, before coming to a compromise. _I should take this kid to the museum. Buy him some dino stuff._ And then Izzie came in to call the little boy to dinner, and he ran off excitedly. Apparently he really liked spaghetti and really liked to eat in general. _He's definitely my son._

"Only if you really don't mind, I know you weren't expecting me." The thought of the pasta waiting in the other room made his stomach growl and he realized he hadn't eaten a decent meal in quite some time. Suddenly his appetite had returned.

"I don't. Besides, Andrew would really like you to."

Alex found himself nodding and following Izzie out into the kitchen. He took a seat across from Andrew, who was fidgeting and waiting impatiently for his parents to hurry up and join him. "Can I have spaghetti now?" He asked, turning a wide smile towards his mother, feet kicking against the legs of the chair. She grinned and filled his plate with spaghetti, and when she set it down in front of him he began trying to twist the noodles around his fork in intense concentration.

For a moment or two Alex watched him with a small smile of amusement playing on his lips, and then he went ahead and helped himself. It was good, which was surprising as he hadn't remembered cooking as one of Izzie's strengths, but as with everything else, becoming a mother obviously sat well with her. "Delicious, Iz. Do you still bake?" He didn't want the table to go silent while Andrew was too busy eating to chat, so he glanced over at Izzie who seemed to be picking at her food.

"Huh? Oh thanks," she answered as she glanced up. It was obvious that she wasn't exactly there as she pushed the food around on her plate but at the same time she was too distracted to know that she was being rude. "My mommy makes the best cookies and cake and brownies and cupcakes and this one time, for my birthday, she made me a huge dinosaur cake! And he was green and had biiiiiggg teeth!"

Izzie shook her head as a light chuckle filled the air. "Yeah I still bake," she said with a soft smile. Baking was what got her through the difficult times, well, baking and George. Her thoughts almost had a chance to wander off again when her cell phone began to ring in the other room. "Aww mom…." Andrew whined as he jabbed his fork angrily into his pasta. "I know, I know," she said as she pushed away from the table and stood up. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

When she returned there was an apologetic look dancing behind her eyes. "That was the hospital there's an emergency and…Would you mind watching him?" She bit down on her bottom lip as she shifted her gaze between her son and Alex. "I mean if you can't stay I can call George or Liz to come over it's not a problem." The one thing she didn't want to do was seem like she was forcing the responsibility onto Alex. She had no idea what his plans were or if he even planned on staying in town for any length of time.

Alex's gaze slid from Izzie to Andrew and back and he suddenly felt awkward. Here he was in a house that he had never set foot in before, with a son that he hadn't known existed for five years… and Izzie had to go to the hospital. It wasn't like he blamed her, after all he knew that as doctors they were always on call no matter what and he didn't mind staying and spending more time with Andrew, it was just a weird situation altogether. "Uh, sure. I'm sure we can find something to do." He glanced over at the child to see what his reaction would be - it was obvious that the boy wasn't happy about his mother having to leave, and Alex was technically still a stranger.

"Okay, I'm not sure when I'll be back. Be good," Izzie kissed the top of Andrew's head as he continued to stubbornly jab at his food. Then his expression changed and he informed her that she wasn't to be very long, please. And that he would miss her. Izzie scribbled some numbers down and left it on the counter and after a whirlwind of activity she was gone.


	18. I Feel You

Alex thought he could hear the clock ticking. "Want some more?" The little boy shook his head and slid off the chair, taking his plate to the sink. How responsible for a child his age. Even though Alex wasn't done, he got up and mimicked Andrew's actions and cleared the table as the blonde child looked on. When he was finished he looked down at Andrew. "So… since your mommy's not here… let's do stuff she doesn't let you do." He grinned, and the boy smiled though he looked unsure. "Eat lots of ice cream, watch cartoons until your face falls off, stay up late…" He tried to sound as entertaining as possible and soon Andrew was giggling at him.

A couple bowls of ice cream and many episodes of cartoons later, both of them were sacked out on the couch. Alex was sprawled on his back, Andrew lying on his chest. The TV was still on although the volume was down and the colorful glow flickered across their faces. On the coffee table in front of the couch, drawings of dinosaurs and empty ice cream bowls dominated the decorative objects Izzie had put there, and some of the lights were still on in various parts of the house.

If Alex had been awake, he would have been very pleased.

The surgery had taken eight hours and Izzie wasn't able to get home until well after four o'clock. She was exhausted as she pushed open the door to her house and she wanted nothing more than to just crawl into her oversized bed and sleep forever. Well maybe not forever but a good six hours would have been nice. That idea caused a tired smirk to turn the corners of her mouth, but as soon as she stepped foot into the living room that smirk turned into a full fledged smile.

She couldn't even begin to explain how right the picture before her seemed. _This was how it should have been._ A dull ache caused the smile to fall. _Too bad it's too late._ A soft sniffle could be heard as she pushed forward and began picking up after them. She couldn't deny that she was slightly annoyed, but that was just the mom in her. "Oh." She mentally snapped her fingers and walked over to the cabinet that was around the corner. Quietly she pulled out her digital camera and snuck back into the room. Fortunately there was enough light to get the shot without using a flash and a couple photos later she looked down at the view screen with a smile.

After she had gathered everything up and turned on the night light in Andrew's room, she made her way quietly over to the couch and stroked her son's golden hair. "Come on sweetie," she whispered as her fingers skimmed his face. "Let's get you to bed." The child whimpered groggily and draped his arms around her neck. She placed a soft kiss to the side of his head as she carried him back to his room and then gave him other one once he was settled into his bed. "Night baby."

She yawned and gave her body a stretch before pulling his door closed and then she headed back toward the living room. She didn't want to wake Alex so instead she pulled a blanket from the linen closet and pulled it over him. "Goodnight," she whispered as a faint smile tickled the curves of her lips.

Alex was dreaming about a lot of different things. Seattle Grace, his old bosses that he used to work with, the chaotic days of his internship, some patients that he lost of his own stupidity… work back home, maps of what he would do drawn out on the skin of random women, Izzie in her burgundy dress, Andrew swinging in the park…

It wasn't a bad dream, although it was confusing. When Andrew moved off of him and Izzie put him to bed, he attributed the movement he felt to something happening in his dream. Now he had moved on to some kind of futuristic dream, and Andrew was a teenager. He was laughing about something, and the atmosphere was generally pleasant. Izzie was there too, and wait… were those some more of her kids? Their kids? A faint smile appeared though it was transient, and the dream continued.

As Izzie pulled the blanket over him, Alex sleepily opened and closed his eyes, still mostly asleep. Accepting this reality as a dream, he reached out to touch her arm and mumbled almost incoherently, "Stay with me."

Her heart caught in her throat and there was a dull throbbing pain beating within her chest. He was obviously dreaming and there was no guarantee that he was even thinking of her. But still there was that nagging voice in the back of her mind that kept asking "what if?" And so she sat on the floor next to him, her cheek resting on her arm as her free hand grazed his shoulder. She waited until his breathing went shallow and maybe even a few minutes longer before she finally pulled away and went to bed. Alone.


	19. Might Be A Dream

In the morning, Alex started awake and couldn't help but feel oddly alone as if someone should have been there with him. _Where am I?_ Feeling around in the dim light of the early morning, he realized he was lying on a couch. Whose couch? The memories of staying up late last night with Andrew came flooding back and he laid his head back down with a quiet chuckle. Had they really eaten enough ice cream to send him into such a stupor that he wasn't able to remember where he was the next day? Apparently so, and the little boy had evidently been put to bed by his mother when she had gotten home, which Alex had no recollection of.

The house was still quiet which meant either he was up really early or everyone else just hadn't woken up yet. Digging in his pocket beneath the blanket he pulled out his cell phone to check the time. 5:32. He clicked the button again and it showed the day. Sunday. Ah. He had lost track of time and each day had seemed to blend with the next. Silently he laid there on the couch, watching as the sun began to peek over the horizon with more confidence, and he breathed in deeply. The house smelled of Izzie, and of Andrew, and something flowery… again, must have been the typical Izzie who wouldn't be herself if she didn't work to make the house a home.

As he laid there, arms crossed behind his head, he began to drift in and out of the weird state of sleep, which really wasn't sleep but wasn't waking consciousness either. What would the day bring? For that matter, what would the next few months bring? After spending time with his son he couldn't imagine being away from him for too long… and New York wasn't that far away… but still. Some kind of compromise would have to be made.

Unfortunately for Izzie, her internal alarm went off right around seven and her body just wasn't going to let her go back to sleep. She grumbled and rubbed her eyes, sighing as she caught sight of the time. "Ugh." She grudgingly pushed herself out of bed and made her way into the bathroom. "Holy hell," she muttered as she stared at herself in the mirror. There was no way she was going to face the world without a shower and that's exactly what she planned to do.

When she finally surfaced and exited the steam filled room, she smelled like warm vanilla sugar and her skin carried a bit of a glow. Now all that was needed was a large mug of coffee and she would be able to feel somewhat human. "Mm coffee…" The thought had her walking toward the kitchen and it was only until she was halfway there did it dawn on her that she had a guest in her living room.

As she rounded the corner to see if he was still there, she caught sight of her son looming over Alex's sleeping form. "Psst," she whispered as she quirked a brow. "What are you doing?" The boy grinned something wicked and stepped back to reveal a set of markers strewn over Alex's chest. "Oh you didn't," she muttered as she took another step forward. "Oh my God you did."

She laughed as she looked down onto the sleeping face. There were bright squiggle marks adorning his cheeks and big blue circles across his forehead. Her son giggled and dashed away and Izzie had to cover her mouth to keep quiet. "We just won't tell him," she whispered as she carefully picked up the markers and placed them back into their case. "Let's see how long it takes him to notice," she added with a wink.

Finally Alex woke for good, checking his phone again for the time and noting it with much more satisfaction than he had the first time. He sat up and looked around, yawning sleepily, hearing the voices of Izzie and Andrew coming from the kitchen. Slowly he stood, stretching his arms over his head and yawning again, before folding the blanket and draping it across the back of the couch. Sometimes he could be neat. Not a lot of the time, but at least he tried.

The first thing he did was scout for a bathroom. Fortunately he hadn't bothered to look in the mirror because he was still kind of groggy, and after he was finished he shuffled back into the kitchen. "Morning," he said with a smile directed at both of the golden haired forms sitting at the table eating breakfast. Andrew was looking at him with a huge grin and half-giggled before taking a sip of his orange juice. Izzie smiled at him too, with something like amusement playing within her eyes.

Alex was oblivious though. Maybe they had been talking about something funny… "I should probably get going and take a shower and leave you guys to do whatever you do…" He felt rumpled and messy from sleeping in his clothes, and his face felt like it needed a good scrubbing. Idly he scratched at it and rubbed his chin. He needed a shave, too.

Izzie had to turn her eyes down to her bowl of cereal in order to wipe the smirk off of her face. Oh what she wouldn't give for a camera right at that second. Of course that would have given their little secret away, but the evidence would have been worth it. She chuckled softly as devious thoughts filled her head. What would all of his hotshot friends think if they saw a picture of him looking like a clown?

"It's Sunday," she said after she had taken a sip of her own juice. "We usually just bum around the house for a while before hitting the park and then run some errands. You're welcome to stay and hang out if you want." She tried to keep any hopefulness out of her voice. He wasn't there for her, he was there for their son and that was that. She needed to stop allowing her mind to wander down the 'happy family' path because it just wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah and you can come with me and mom to the park and push me on the swings. I like to go high!" The young boy giggled again as he bounced around in his chair. "I think he kind of likes you," she smirked as she watched her son reach into his bowl and fish out the green fruit loops. He liked to eat them in order of color.

"Are you hungry? I've got some coffee ready and various choices of cereal that contain no nutritional value what so ever," she grinned. "Or if you want you could always use the guest bathroom to um…clean up first. There's fresh towels in the cabinet just outside the door." She laughed again and had to bite down onto her bottom lip before the laughter got out of control. But then Andrew started to laugh with her and together the pair erupted into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"So um yeah," she grinned as her body shook with a bright chuckle. "Whatever you want to do."

Alex raised an eyebrow at their seeming insanity. "Are you two feeling alright today?" A part of his mind piped up that maybe they were laughing at him, but he brushed that away. Why would they be laughing at him? Sure, he was funny looking, but not that funny looking. A grin touched his lips. He wasn't funny looking at all, actually. For a few moments he stood feeling minutely self-conscious, debating the options he had in his head.

He could either leave and find a hotel since he hadn't even stopped to do that the day before, or he could stay and clean up and play with Andrew some more. It should have been clear cut which choice he would choose, but he couldn't help the lingering hesitation. The entire scenario still felt kind of foreign to him and he couldn't put his finger on why. It wasn't anything he was used to, which shouldn't really matter because he'd always been confident even in situations where he knew nothing… but this type of thing really had him feeling weird. "I guess I can stay. I like swinging real high, too." Alex smiled at his son while he concentrated on eating his cereal in whatever order he had planned. "As long as you really don't mind." His gaze swung back to Izzie. A part of him wished he could see inside that head of hers and gauge how she was truly feeling, but that connection they had shared at one time wasn't as strong as it used to be. Not that it was ever that strong, given that he always seemed to make mistakes when guessing what she was feeling. Women.

After she confirmed that no, she didn't mind, he let himself out of the house to grab some of his junk from the car. With a duffel bag slung across his shoulders he re-entered the house and made his way back to the bathroom he had found earlier. His mouth tasted funny so the first thing he decided to do was brush his teeth, and after fishing around for his toothbrush and toothpaste and getting that coordinated he instinctively glanced into the mirror. _What the…? _"What the…!!!!" His voice echoed his thoughts but stopped him right before he swore. Little kid in the house, right. Speaking of which… that little kid was the culprit. Had to be. Izzie's designs would have been much more… creative.

Barreling out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where Andrew sat giggling uncontrollably, Alex went to him and began to tickle the little boy mercilessly. Soon the blonde child had wiggled away and was running around the table, Alex following suit. "You little sneak! Did your mom put you up to this?!" Izzie was watching, laughing along with Andrew, and soon Alex was laughing along with the two of them. "Whatever, I look pretty," Alex pretended to grumble, winking at Andrew before leaving him to finish his breakfast.


	20. Full of Grace

After he had showered and washed the marker off his face (it could only be seen if someone looked at him closely) and dressed in clean clothes, he packed up his stuff and found a spot out of the way in the living room. He assumed he'd be back here, so he did his best to not mess up her house. Back in New York he had hired a maid for his messy tendencies, so it was different for him to have to think about being neat.

He padded out into the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal, sliding into the seat across from Andrew. It looked like Andrew was having a second helping, and he had a slight milk moustache. Alex had chosen some kind of chocolate mix, so he chewed it messily and smiled a chocolatey smile at Andrew, making the boy laugh. It was true… men never grew up entirely. "So… what kind of errands are planned today?" He asked between bites.

Her face felt sore from all of the laughing and it took a good two minutes to get settled down. "High five munchkin," she said right before Alex had returned. The two slapped their palms against each other and then returned to their respective breakfast bowls as Alex slid into a seat.

"Let's see," she said as she pushed herself to her feet and gathered the dirty dishes off of the table. "We've got to make a run to the grocery store because somebody can't live without his grape popsicles…" She glanced over to Andrew who was grinning like a fool and swinging his legs back and forth. "Yep, I need um!"

"And then we need to stop by the mall for some clothes shopping…." A loud groan could be heard coming from the young boy and he grumbled into his fruitloops. He really did hate to go clothes shopping poor kid. "And then…Oh shoot!" She snapped her fingers and spun around to face the two boys with wide eyes. "You've got your portrait sitting this evening!" Izzie smacked her palm against her forehead and mentally chastised herself for forgetting. "Aww moooommmmm…." "Don't you mom me, you knew this coming up."

Andrew pouted some more and then his short attention span kicked in and he was wandering off to play or color. "You should definitely come with us for that," she said once he was off into the other room. "And then you can pick out some pictures that you like so that you can have them at home or something."

"Okay," Alex mumbled his agreement through his cereal and then finished off with tilting the bowl towards his mouth and drinking the milk. Ah yes, just like a small child. Grape popsicles, clothes, pictures. Quite the eventful day… kind of. He pushed himself out of the seat and brought the empty bowl and spoon to the sink where he rinsed it out, ever mindful of his out-of-place presence. Then, like he had done many times in the past in Meredith's kitchen, he turned and lifted himself up onto the counter to sit and watch Izzie.

Andrew wasn't around, but he still kept his voice low. "What are we going to do, Iz?" He could have meant 'we' as in the three of them. But the 'we' carried a subtle difference, perhaps leaning towards a 'we' exclusive to the two adults. She was washing the dishes, slower after he had posed the question, her nimble surgeon's hands looking graceful even when doing such a menial task.

"There are some things that just can't be forgotten." Things like the rushed but emotionally explosive sex they'd had. The words they had spoken in the dark. How their eyes locked when they had gazed at each other. "Because they definitely meant something. I'm just not sure what." Slowly he was becoming used to the displaced feeling that had gripped him, and the front he had put up was falling. Truth time.

An uneasy chill settled deep into her bones and she did her best to focus on the dishes as she ran the sponge over the smooth porcelain. "I don't know," she said simply as she set one of the bowls into the dish rack. She didn't even want to begin to try to read between the lines because the thought of getting her hopes up and having them crushed was terrifying. Her heart just wouldn't be able to handle it if that ended up being the case.

She took a deep breath as she reached for a kitchen towel and then proceeded to dry her hands. "We can't just play house and pretend everything is okay," she said softly. It killed her to say it, and part of her wanted to just make believe and pretend but they couldn't do that to their son. "He deserves better than that." She paused a moment to breathe and then turned her rich amber gaze to look at the man beside her.

"And I don't want this to be hard on you either," she continued. "So just tell me what I can do to try and make things right and I'll do my best to make it happen."

"I'm not sure either," Alex admitted, raising his hands in a gesture of question. He really didn't know what he wanted for sure, because he was too cynical to let himself think about it. "I just know that I'm not getting any younger. I'm not… I _can't_ settle down with anyone, Izzie. There's no one I want to spend my life with." Except for you, he wanted to add. Or at least at one time he'd wanted that. "Don't you want more children? A little girl? I'm surprised that you haven't found anyone yet." Maybe he was rambling and projecting what he wanted onto her life, but he didn't notice.

"Does Andrew think that I'm going to stay now that I've come?" Again he wasn't sure what, if anything, Izzie had told the little boy. But most children wanted that happy mommy and daddy pairing in their lives, and Andrew certainly noticed this difference between himself and his playmates. Alex shook his head as he thought. "There was a time when I would have dropped everything to come to you. Maybe a part of me still would. I don't know." Even though this was the woman who had broken him completely, he still opened up to her. Briefly he marveled at this thought. What was it about her that caused his act to disappear when they were being serious, to lead him into saying things that he'd held within him for so long?

"It shouldn't be this hard. Then again, nothing has ever been particularly easy for me… or for you…" A faint, bittersweet smile and another shake of his head. For an aching moment he wanted to kiss her and promise her that things would be perfect, even though he was the one who was asking for this reassurance in some ways. "Anyway…" Quickly he pushed the thought away as if it were dangerous. "I need to figure it out soon. I told everyone I'd be gone for a week, and I'm pretty sure they'll think I went completely mad if I stayed away even longer."

"I haven't found anyone because I haven't been looking," she answered softly. She braced her hands against the counter and stared for a long time down into the sink. She wondered what it would be like to washed away, to just slip through the drain and never come back. Would it make things better? Make things easier? Did she even want easier? Easier would be telling him that he could have their son for the summer and alternating holidays. Easier would be to tell him that she would fly him out every few weeks so that the two could spend more time together. Easier would be anything other than what her heart was about to make her say.

"Then don't go." Her fingers gripped the cool granite surface and she had to take a deep breath before she could look at him again. "Marry me." It wasn't a question. "I'm not about to promise you that things are going to be easy, but damnit nothing about our relationship ever was." She reached up to rake her fingers through her hair as she gathered what strength she had left. "I love you. I've always loved you and I'm never going to want anyone else."

Her dark lashes beat down against her pale skin as she willed the tears to keep away. "So marry me," she said again as she chanced taking a step closer. "Marry me because no one else is going to love you the way that I do."


	21. The Story

_Her dark lashes beat down against her pale skin as she willed the tears to keep away. "So marry me," she said again as she chanced taking a step closer. "Marry me because no one else is going to love you the way that I do."_

Alex sat at his desk, oblivious to everything around him. The last few weeks had been hectic, and he still wasn't used to his normal life. There were papers scattered on his desk, and he tried to look down and focus on them, but he couldn't. The charts would have to wait. Everything would have to wait. In fact Alex didn't give a damn if the entire world had to wait.

_"So, are you going to stay with us forever?" Andrew had asked him, staring up at him with his wide, chocolate eyes. Alex just smiled at the boy who was so intent on getting a response that he had momentarily ceased coloring the dinosaur in his coloring book. "I'll always be around, buddy," was all he could manage to say in response. It wasn't really avoiding the question, but it wasn't really answering it either. "I sure hope so. You're lots of fun. And mommy really likes you." With that the little blonde boy started scribbling furiously, making random dinosaur noises intermittently._

The phone rang, cutting through Alex's thoughts. He let it ring several times before it stopped. And then it rang again, each ring sounding more infuriating than the last. Reaching out, he simply unplugged the cable from the phone and all of the blinking lights ceased immediately. That solved one problem.

It was all so crazy. Just… insane. Everything. Alex Karev was used to having control over his life and lately it wasn't in the cards for him. His secretaries, his friends, and his colleagues all thought he was going through some sort of psychiatric episode with the way he had been acting. But of course it wasn't anything that serious… his front had fallen. That was all.

Leaning back, he propped his feet on the desk and smiled, a small, nondescript smile, and thought about all of the memories he had made with his son in such a short time. It was unbelievable, almost as if it had just been a very pleasant dream.

"Earth to Alex. These boxes aren't going to move themselves." The familiar voice pulled him from his reverie and caused his lips to curl into a classic Karev smirk. "That's what I've got you for," he replied casually as he pulled his feet off his desk and placed them onto the floor. "Besides, I like watching you work." A glare was given in response and he couldn't help but chuckle. "All right, all right I'll take the boxes down to the car.

--

The wedding was small and held in the park where Alex had first seen his son. He had been dressed comfortably in slacks and white button down shirt while she had worn a simple white gown, her golden locks cascading down her back in soft curls. Andrew had insisted on carrying the rings and it was George who did the honor of giving her away. It was the perfect spring day as they whispered promises and declared their love as shadows from the trees danced around them. It had been a day for new beginnings and renewed faith.

But more importantly, it was that day that both of their lives had truly begun.


	22. Help Stacie

For those of you who don't know, truelovepooh over at LJ is a very awesome person going through some difficult times right now. On March 26th 2007, she was diagnosed with both stage 2 ovarian cancer and breast cancer. Now treatments when you don't have the super awesome insurance are very costly and Stacie is in need of some assistance.

From September 8-14, Support Staciedotnet will be holding an Author Auction. What this means is that a bunch of fanfic writers are auctioning off some stories. Basically the highest bidder gets to pick whatever fic they want the author to write for them.

Even if you aren't into fanfic, it would be awesome if you could stop by and donate a little bit of cash. Stacie is a good person, she has three children and she needs to win this battle.

For more info: supportstaciedotnet

Thanks.

Yes, I am up for bidding so show some love by going over there and bidding on some personalized fic!


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